Somewhere in all the craziness that I live in nowadays, I developed the idea that unless I was in a foreign country, risking my life everyday (don’t worry mom and dad, just making a point), eating rice for every meal, I wasn’t pleasing God as much as I could. I thought that if I moved back home and stayed home, I was doing less for the Kingdom than I would be if I were across the globe. In Romania I learned otherwise. I talked to a friend a lot and saw his passion for doing something he loved. In America. Not concerned about where he was, but just that he was being obedient. Through our talks I learned how prideful I was in thinking I was somehow better because I was away from home. That month I began to learn that I was striving to be someone that the world would think was awesome. Someone who would do big things and people would be like “dang look at all she is doing!” YIKES. Romania was a very humbling month for me. It wasn’t easy, but I learned that whether I’m in Arkansas or Africa, as long as I’m being obedient, I’m just where I need to be. Then in South Africa God showed me a lot about how my desire to be a wife and a mom is from Him. I don’t just “happen” to love kids. I don’t just “happen” to be passionate about adopting. I don’t just “happen” to want to be a ballin wife. Those are desires planted by my Creator. The past month or so, to go along with that other jazz, I’ve learned that being a wife and mom is enough. I don’t have to do anything big to get God’s attention or please Him. I don’t have to fly to the moon or feed every single kid on the street and picket outside for animal rights (just threw that one in there on a whim). I just have to be obedient, wherever and whatever that may mean for me.
Ya know what. I wanna cut my neighbor’s grass. I want to visit old people who are lonely. I want to invest in people who don’t normally get invested in. I want to love people who are not so lovable. I want to break chains off of people even if that just means showing them that they ARE someone over a coffee date. I want to be a wife who loves her husband and who goes alongside him and supports and grows with him. I want to be a mom who raises up children to love the Lord, who sets an example so that they someday will grow up to be godly men and women. I wanna be a rockin grandma with an awesome hubs (who will be called “grandpa” at this point) who has her grandchildren over to spend the night and who loves them more than anything (and makes sure they know it). I wanna yell obnoxiously at my kids/grandkids athletic events (or ballet recitals) and embarrass them (go to one of my brothers games to get a preview of this one). I want to love my neighbors and take them cookies (or just the cookie dough because that’s much better). I want to adopt children and love them like they came from my own womb. I want to help bring others into the freedom that I have stepped into. And that’s it (well other things too but you catch my drift). And that’s FINALLY okay with me. I don’t have to travel the world. I don’t. SO TAKE THAT! Sorry. This is just a very exciting time for me. The pressure to do something big has left. It’s gone. Hasta nunca baby. I might not ever live in a foreign country again. I might never be the 30th person in a 15 passenger van again. I may never wear a skirt everyday of my life again. Those things don’t make me a better person (they just make me really hot and kinda grouchy sometimes). God doesn’t want my sacrifices like air conditioning or peeing alone. Sure, sometimes it might require that. But if my heart isn’t in the right spot, what does all of that even matter? I might just live in the states and be the best dang wife and mom I can be. And if that is the case, that will be enough.
BOOYAH!!!!
