“My name is Busisiwe.”
That was enough for me. I knew it wasn’t a coincidence that I was led to another Busi in another country. It was the Lord that led me and I was gonna make dang well sure to invest in this sweet lady. That was two and a half weeks ago. Today I’m sitting at outside where she lived mourning the death of my new friend. Just a week ago we were watching a movie together. On the other days I painted her fingernails and bought her her favorite chocolate. We were partners in cards… AND we won :). I just didn’t see this coming.
February 17. We went to Hope House for the first time. I didn’t know what to expect. We were told that this was a rehabilitation/care center for those suffering from things like aids, cancer, and tb. Each person gets their own little house on the complex where they can live with their family and a caregiver. My first thought was “Oh crap, I am really bad at small talk. What will I say?” After we had an informational meeting with one of the women that works there, we split into groups and were off. I went with Karaline and Glenn and we went to a couple houses for about 10 minutes each. It was honestly kind of awkward at first. I’m not kidding when I say I’m not good at small talk. I usually just smile awkwardly and the only questions that come to mind are “how are you?” and “what is your name?” …original, eh? After the first couple houses I suggested we go to house A (they are all numbered or lettered). In we walked and a very very skinny lady was lying in bed. I greeted the caregiver and walked up to the lady. After I asked how she was doing, I asked her name. “My name is Busisiwe.” I immediately knew this was the house where I was supposed to be. We talked for a few more minutes until we had to leave. Before we headed out I asked her if I could pray for her and she said yes and said that her left hand was paralyzed and that we could pray for it. I held her hand and prayed and told her that I would love to visit her again if that would be fine with her. She said yes and as we walked out I knew she was who I needed to invest in throughout my time in Swaziland. I fell in love with Busisiwe in South Africa and although it may seem like it to others, I knew in my heart that it was not by chance that I walked into her house that day.
I left Hope House that day with my little Busi on my heart, and also my new friend Busi. We went to the mall to grab some lunch and get on the internet and as I paid at the counter, I looked at the name tag of the woman checking me out. Yup. It was Busisiwe. I actually chuckled to myself. I thought “Okay God I get it. You want me to remember Busi. Done and done.”
Friday and Tuesday are our days for Hope House but on Monday some girls from the other team we are living with this month wanted to go into town and asked if any from my team wanted to go. They were going to Hope House so I said yes. When we got there Linsey, Amanda, and I went to Busi’s. We talked more about her life. When she told us she was 30 years old I couldn’t believe it. I would never have guessed, by how sad her little body looked, that she was just a young 30 years. The average life expectancy here is 35 but I guess until I saw that people were seriously dying that young, it didn’t hit me. Her caregiver is her sister-in-law and was very friendly as well so we had a good time. We brought cards and asked if she wanted to play. We played war but since one of her hands is paralyzed, I held the cards and she flipped them. We won and then we played spades and Amanda showed her a magic trick. She wasn’t very talkative but she seemed to really enjoy it and when we asked if we could come back she said yes and her caregiver told us that they loved it when we came.
Tuesday we were back again. This time with nail polish! Woohoo! We had asked the day before if she would want her nails painted and she said yes so we brought red. When I told her that I brought it she lit up and I wheeled her over to the table and painted her nails. I painted her left hand first and as I painted the nails of those limp fingers my heart broke. It seems so small, it’s just a hand. But to lose the use of even one hand is so big. I was so glad that I was able to do something simple like paint her nails for her. Her caregiver wanted hers painted too so she sat beside me and I did hers too. Then another lady came in and sat beside me and plopped her feet on my lap and told me to do hers. It made for a good laugh. The lady whose toenails I painted asked us if we had any sweets (candy) so we got to talking about that and I asked Busi what her favorite was. She said chocolate so I promised that I would bring her some next time I saw her. We whipped out the cards again and played go fish and I held the cards again while she chose which card to ask for. When we left we asked if she would want to play cards next time we came or watch a movie. She said she would like to watch a movie and the cards seemed to wear her out sometimes so the movie seemed like a good relaxing idea.
Friday I went to see her again with some of the group. I took her chocolate and Lindsay asked her what movie she wanted to watch. We decided on Fame so set up the computer and got it going. About halfway through she said her feet were hurting so she needed to get in bed but that she didn’t want us to go, so we set the movie up on a chair near her. I sat in the floor near her bed and we finished the movie. We chatted some more then left and I told her I would be back to see her Tuesday. In my journal that night I wrote about how I have grown to love her and hope she knows that she is not just some person that we pity so continue to visit. It’s usually hard for me to really invest in places like that because I’m not sure what to say, but God made it so clear to me that I was to really focus on Busi while I was there. Each time I left her I was more excited to see her the next time.
On Tuesday, Linsey, Karaline, Jessica, and I walked to her house and knocked as usual. I didn’t hear the usual “come in!” so I knocked again. Nothing. I began to get worried. We looked in the windows and it was dark and empty. My heart dropped and Karaline asked me if I wanted her to go with me to ask where Busi was. We walked to the office to try and find someone that could help us. We found a man that said he worked there and when we asked about her he said that “her condition took a bad turn” and that she had been screaming and hallucinating. They had moved her to a hospital. I knew in my heart that this probably meant to die but I held on to the hope that she would pull through. I told him that I had visited her several times and asked if he could tell me what exactly was wrong with her. He said that she had tb and hiv. I left that day thinking so much just about life. She is 30! Lying in a hospital dying. Probably getting minimal care. I know there is evil in the world. I know that “life isn’t fair.” But when it comes to someone you have grown to love, it REALLY doesn’t seem fair.
Today, Friday, when we got here we immediately went to the office to see if we could get an update on Busi. We found the same man and he said that she didn’t make it. She died yesterday morning. I walked out of the office before he even finished talking to us. I couldn’t hold back the tears and to be really honest, I was angry. Why would God lead me to someone and allow me to love them if He was just going to take them from me? And the fact that her name was Busi just added an extra sting. This is the second Busi that has been taken from me in the last three months, this time by death. I walked alone around the complex for a while. So many emotions and questions ran through my mind. The main question was “why?” and I wondered if there was a way I could have loved her better. I asked her if she was a Christian, but should I have asked more? Is there more I could have said to make very very certain that she was a believer? What if she thought she was a charity case? Why why why would God allow me to love her then take her from me? I was sad. Angry. I wanted to tell her that I really did love her and get so much joy out of going to see her. That she blessed me just as much as I blessed her. But I couldn’t. I guess I was naive enough to think that since she was at Hope House, she was getting better, not worse. As I sit here, tears are rolling down my cheeks. I don’t really have much else to say. Just that my heart is broken over Busi, who didn’t ever really even get a chance at life. 30 is so young. America or Swaziland, no one should suffer and die at 30 years old. Oh we take so much for granted.
Now my little Busi in South Africa has an even bigger place in my heart. It is so evident that the Lord planned all along for me to fall in love with her. If I never had, I might have just skipped over Busi here in Swazi. But since I loved her, God was able to get my attention and confirm that He wanted me to focus on this specific woman at Hope House. Regardless of my questions, regardless of my brokenness, I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to love her. Looking back I see that I was able to give her somewhat of a normal past couple weeks of life, even if just two or three days a week. God wanted me to love on her, and I did. I didn’t expect this ending but I wouldn’t trade my time with her for anything.
