Hello from beautiful Patong in Phuket, Thailand!
As our time here comes to a close, I realize that I’ve been doing a terrible job on blogging – which is to say that I really haven’t been. It’s my intention over the next few days to post a number of blogs – recapping India and Nepal as well as describing the ministry opportunities we’ve had here in Thailand over the course of the month. So bear with me and stay tuned!
For this first “catch-up” blog, I’d like to speak more personally and describe a few changes that have taken place in my heart which began during our month in India. When I left the States, I was sure of Jesus – but I was pretty unsure of myself. My insecurities and uncertainties would usually manifest themselves in the form of an unwillingness to step out in my faith – I was terrified to pray aloud because it never sounded as good as the next person’s; I would always try to defer to someone else when it came to leading a discussion because I didn’t consider myself “well-versed” enough to teach anyone; I didn’t see myself as a “people-person” or as someone who could relate easily (teenagers being the exception) so I shied away making the first move when it came to evangelizing.
My hope was that the Race would change all of that. I know I need to be careful with that kind of expectation – but I’m very much a reactive person. As much as I try to be proactive (and I am where possible), I also know that sometimes we just need to be put in the pressure-cooker in order to be drastically reshaped. And for me, the Race is that pressure-cooker. I knew that I would just need to be thrown into a situation and I could either choose to sink or swim. And wouldn’t you know that the first opportunity presented itself quite early on in India…
Our team was at our contact’s local church (which he pastors) and we were almost at the end of the service. We were told to bow our heads and close our eyes as we prayed for the offering which had just been collected. I bowed my head and closed my eyes with the rest of the congregation. And over the sound system, I hear Pastor Arun saying, “Sista Nat, would you please come up here and pray for the offering”? GULP. I shakily stood up and made my way to the front and the only thought that was running through my head was “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God”. My teammates gave me encouraging smiles as I took hold of the microphone. Everyone bowed their heads and closed their eyes. GULP. I closed my eyes and began to speak.
My teammates told me later that when I started to pray they had to open their eyes to make sure it was actually me that was talking. Because apparently I was speaking a couple octaves higher than normal. Try to imagine me saying in a squeaky voice, “dear God, please bless this offering…” and you’ll get the picture. It was mortifying but I lived. And from that moment on, I became Sista Nat (it’s a title that has followed me everywhere, including to Nepal and Thailand) as well as Pastor Arun’s favorite pray-er. Anytime he wanted to pray, he’d call me out to do it – it didn’t matter where I was in relation to him. From the front passenger seat to the very back of the 15 passenger van – there was no where I could hide. And thank God for that! I was never going to volunteer to do it – but through Pastor Arun’s continual insistence (which I don’t think he ever realized I was afraid of praying aloud) and God’s strength to just say “yes” to the opportunity – I was able to step out in faith in a way that I had flat-out refused to do before. Praise Him!
As I mentioned earlier, “Sista Nat” has continued to follow me from that moment. And I couldn’t be happier about it – because Sista Nat says “yes”, even when she’s afraid and unsure and uncomfortable. Sista Nat is constantly surrounded by individuals who want to see her stretched and challenged. And Sista Nat has to rely on the strength of God for WAY more than Natalie ever did. She is someone you will continue to hear about throughout the Race – and I wanted to take the time to introduce her to you through this blog! In the next blog, I will finish up our time in India with a recap of the various ministries we participated in as well as give you a glimpse into what God taught me that month. The keyword for His teachings: SELF-AWARENESS.
Love y’all!
Sista Nat
