In the last week or so, I’ve had a number of people ask me if I’m starting to get a little scared by the changes that are about to take place in my life: quitting my job, packing my bag and leaving the country for a year, not having a plan for what turn my life will take when I come back home again. But to be quite honest, I hadn’t really felt any true fear over leaving or walking out into the unknown. I would tell them that I was fairly anxious, yes, and mostly excited for the next chapter of my life – but afraid – not really.
Then, I was laying in bed one night last week, trying to fall asleep. And all of a sudden, I was watching my life play out before my eyes and I saw myself as an 87-year old woman (don’t ask me why my age was specifically 87 – I have NO idea), looking back on my life. I remember the 87-year old version of myself thinking, “What did I waste 87 years of life doing? Is this really all there is?” And it was THAT THOUGHT that absolutely terrified me. The thought of spending my life doing something that didn’t matter – a life wasted. In turn, my current-age self began to question what I was doing with my life now – was I making the right decision to leave my job? Was I making a HUGE mistake by leaping out into the unknown, unable to see where I was going to land?
Enter this video:
Recently released by Adventures in Missions, it’s the newest video created to give a flavor for the World Race – the ups and downs, the rewards and struggles, the challenges and victories – all in the span of three minutes. If you didn’t watch the video yet, please go back up and hit “Play”. It will give you a better sense of the purpose behind the Race and why so many young adults are leaving their current life behind to face the unknown – maybe they heard the whisper (I first heard it in Haiti) or maybe they’re being obedient to Jesus’ command as set forth in the Great Commission (Matt 28:18-20). Perhaps they’re chasing those plans God has for them (Jer 29:11) and they want to use this one life (maybe only 87 years in length!) to further His Kingdom for His glory. Whatever our reasons, it has moved us to action.
I love the line in the video about how the Race is an opportunity to come and find out who God is calling me to be. It’s an investment – to mold and sculpt me into the person who will be qualified to fill the position that God has set aside for me (a position uniquely created for me by the Creator!) to further His Kingdom. I see my supporters as investors – every dollar they donate and prayer they lift up on my behalf is continually moving me closer to this person. I’m continually humbled – that not only would God be able and WILLING to use me for His purposes, but that you and countless others would believe it as well. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
To bring this all full circle, I want to tell you that over the last week or so of mulling over that fearful thought that struck me – and seeing things like this video – I truly believe I’m 100% right where I’m supposed to be. I like where I’m headed and I can appreciate that, while terrifying, this fear of living a wasted life has pushed me to consider how to live out the most meaningful life I possibly can. I present you with my latest ink addition (sorry Dad!):
In case you can’t read the writing, it says “filled to be emptied” and it will serve as a reminder to myself that the only life worth living is one that is poured out for others. And as I walk through my life, loving other in God’s holy and righteous name (for there is nothing higher or more worthy to surrender a life!), He WILL be glorified. My life is not my own – every gift I receive is a blessing from God (be it time, money, relationships or resources) – and therefore should be used to bless others. If my 87-year old self can look back over her life and see that creed being lived out daily, I do believe she will be well pleased.
For His glory,
Nat
