In an effort to try to blog more regularly, I’m “borrowing” an idea from a friend of mine (thanks Mikayla!): Worship Wednesday! Every Wednesday, I’m going to try to post a song on my blog – maybe something that I just heard for the first time, or one of my go-to favorites when I need to hear something uplifting, or something that just had an impact on me in some way. (Side note: In turn, I am ALWAYS looking for music recommendations from others – so if you have something, email/Facebook me or just leave a comment!)
Any one who has ever met me knows that I always seem to have a song for every occasion and I jokingly tell people that I have an iTunes in my head (I apologize in advance to my WR teammates as you’ll probably never be able to listen to a song again without me at least MOUTHING the words – if you’re really unlucky, you won’t be able to hear the actual artist singing – it’ll be ALL me). Unfortunately, God did not gift me with a “singing voice” – so what I lack in talent, I make up for with passion!
This week, I’ve chosen a song that’s been around for a while now – but every time I hear it, I want to stop and pray through the lyrics. The song is called “Keep Making Me” by The Sidewalk Prophets.
I just love that opening verse:
Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken
I’m not willing to totally open up about it at this point, but so that God may receive the glory, I am willing to say that this verse has really hit me hard this week as I wrestle with my emotions regarding my parents’ divorce. It’s been about 4 years since I first got that phone call and I KNOW beyond a doubt that I have hardened my heart against my entire family for it. I have become calloused and closed off to them without really recognizing it (I live 1,000 miles away from home, and so I’m not forced to deal with these feelings every day; in fact, I can try to pretend that it never really happened). But when I listen to this song – I can start to see myself more clearly. And I’ve realized that I don’t want to feel this hardness in my heart anymore. I want Him to take this utterly broken heart of mine and heal it in only the way He can. I want the relationships with my family members to be perfectly restored. Make me broken, Lord.
I stop and think about the lyric that says “I want to run to You with heart wide open” and I can envision myself, crying, running into His open arms and being embraced, totally secure. And He would just let me cry it all out – pour out all my pain and bitterness, anger and resentment, hurt and heartbreak, fear and frustration – and He would stand there and just hold me, patting me on the back and telling me that He will fix this. And I have finally come to the understanding that He is the only One who CAN fix it – no matter how much I wish, I can’t go back and change things; I can’t just keep hoping that the problem will magically go away or that if I ignore it long enough, it just won’t bother me anymore. There’s only one direction He will take me and that’s forward.
I did read up a little bit on this song to hear the story behind it – I found a “Devotional” video and I wanted to share a couple things mentioned there. The lead singer, Dave, mentioned this quote from C.S. Lewis:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Dave also mentioned Psalm 51 (v. 1-4, 8-13) in his video:
Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4 Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
9 Hide Your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.
Lord, thank you for your mercy and forgiveness. Thank you for removing my sins from me -as far as the east is from the west. Father, I’m running into Your open arms and I praise You and thank You for the good work You are doing in me. I thank You that you do NOT leave us broken and it is my prayer that You will take my broken heart and heal it – so that all of the glory may be given to You. I pray that the relationships with my family would be perfectly restored and that I would learn to love them as You love me.
