If you try to hang onto your life you will lose it, but if you will give up your life for my sake you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but you yourself are lost or destroyed. –Luke 9:25-26
I am here Lord. Isn’t that enough?
I thought this year was about me pouring into others and surprisingly God is pouring into me. I thought that growing up was a phrase, but I am right back at the beginning. I am having to drop all of my preconceived notions about life and love, trust and faith and replace them with His truths. As I open up to a new chapter in my life, I am changing my mind about what it looks like to give it all.
You don’t need to find yourself, you need to lose yourself.– Theodore Dalrymple
I am growing a little weary of an internal fight. My flesh and my spirit are waring. I fight giving up my life in it’s entirety. I am being called to get over myself so He can save me from myself. Selfishly, I don’t want to admit that giving myself over means that I have no rights. Pridefully, I want not to be desperate and dependent. Part of me wants to give up everything but at the same time I want to return to my own agenda.
I have lived so much of my life leaning on my own understanding. I take comfort in control and I don’t want to take the leap to trust the Lord fully. What does it look like to trust the Lord with no conditions? It is scary to lose control but as I lessen my grip the more I hear a sound inside me. It says, “There is no work for you here, anymore. I gave up everything not so that you could carry burdens but for your freedom.”
Only when man is willing to die to everything in his life, including his rights, his virtues, and his religion, and becomes willing to receive into himself a new life that he has never experienced. This new life exhibits itself in our conscious repentance and through our unconscious holiness.– Oswald Chambers
