A friend of a friend commented on a picture of mine I’d posted to facebook today. She wrote, “Beautiful!” It was a picture of me sitting on the floor. Hair half fro, half side-ponytail, being brushed and styled by a happy 7 year old.
When I read her comment, I was surprised. My initial reaction was to go look at pictures of myself. “What is she seeing that I am not seeing?” I certainly don’t feel beautiful now. My favorite world race shirt is a little stretched out and has a small hole where it got caught on the fence at the orphanage. My pants are in need of a wash, and the tan on my feet is only about half from sun—the rest is just permanently caked African dust. My hair does its own thing, and there’s little I can do to fight it lacking a mirror or a consistent water supply. Plus I cut it myself last month without a mirror, so, what can I expect. My form of getting “dressed up” means taking longer than 3 minutes of pouring cold water from buckets on my body, and trying to get soap everywhere. Then, I put on the same clothes that I wear every day. I don’t feel pretty.
But as I sat on my bed, sweating and swatting flies, the Lord spoke to my spirit.
“You’re more beautiful now than you’ve ever been”
I’m not exactly sure the theology here, but my God says this current Natalie is darling. This Natalie is even more beautiful than the one last week, last month, or last year. This Natalie knows how to love better and how to sacrifice just a little bit more. This Natalie is freer with laughter, and sees the value of others. This Natalie gives of herself to others and expects less and less in return. This Natalie—the one with the homemade haircut, the sweaty body, and the dusty feet—this Natalie is beautiful.
I am beautiful. Even when I don’t feel like it.
