I haven't even left yet, and I already feel like I'm gone.
Tonight I took a high schooler down to meet the Resolve team.
(Don't know what Resolve is? Check it out. They're doing some incredible things.)
The meeting went well and she's super excited to get started, just like I'm super excited to get a few other girls working with Resolve, too.
But I couldn't help but feel a little sad as I drove Abby home. Here was a girl who I've known for years, right in the middle of her freshman year of high school, and I'm leaving. For a year.
Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that she's going to have people like Lisa in her life, but there was this tiny voice that said, "Shouldn't this be you? Shouldn't it always be you?"
Later I skyped my pledge buddy, and we were talking about things that are happening and coming up, and that voice- louder this time- said, "Wouldn't it be great to be there for all of it?"
My sister's applying for leadership positions, and the voice keeps saying, "You need to be there for her. She's going to need her big sister to support and encourage her."
One of my best friends is getting married, and we've only been talking about her wedding (and being each other's bridesmaids) since middle school. "Don't even pretend like you don't desperately want to be at her wedding."
My favorite kids on the PLANET are going to grow up. "They'll forget you if you leave for too long…"
Abuelita will miss you. "Who's going to buy her McDonald's and listen to her crazy advice?"
WAIT. Abuelita isn't even HERE anymore. There will be plenty of kids for me to love, both on the Race and when I get back. Weddings are one day in a life. Sisters can be supported and encouraged via email, and my sister is strong enough (and smart enough) to be able to handle herself. Sororities will always be there. And Resolve is working to end child soldiering.
Which is part of why I'm going on the Race: to save innocent lives.
There are a lot of things I'm going to miss this next year.
Births. Weddings. Deaths. Lives being lived. Fun times being had.
But it's time for me to go. It's time for me to stop sitting around, watching the horrors unfolding in the world and wishing I could stop them. It's time for me to walk into the bars and talk to the prostitutes. It's time for me to look the orphans in the face and tell them they are loved. It's time for me to sit with the people who have nothing on this earth, and tell them that in Christ, their salvation is assured.
No more listening to those voices in my head. The time for safe living is over.
I will speak truth over my life, act on truth and not emotions. The time for Kingdom living is here.
It's 25 days until I leave, 25 days until I say goodbye to all of the people here that I love and step into the unknown, broken, hurting world.
To everyone I'm leaving behind:
I AM GOING TO MISS YOU. More than you might understand.
But I'm passing the torch.
It's time for you to act.
Step out. Get involved. Don't just sit back and let terrible things happen. Not on your watch.
There are so many things you can DO- this is just a list of some cool organizations I know of.
Child soldiers? Invisible Children.
Human trafficking? Not For Sale Campaign.
Prostitution? Stop the Candy Shop.
Refugees?Refugees International.
Displaced people? International Justice Mission.
Orphans? Village of Hope Uganda.
Clean Water? CauseLife.
Each of these is just one answer to the injustices that are being waged like a deadly war on our world.
Look into one that tugs at your heart. And then do something about it.
"The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."
— Frederick Buechner
I can't wait to see what God is going to do in 2011.
I'm praying big things. 
