Sometimes you have situations in life that are indescribable. The proverbial picture worth a thousand words doesn't even begin to shed light on what's really happening: the emotions, the moment, the truth of the circumstances.
This is not one of those times. Today, basic analogies will work just fine, and should prove fairly comprehensible. 🙂
Preparation for this next adventure in my life has begun to feel like working out or dating. The initial get- up- and- go, the spark, the sprinted first workout was great. Figuring out where I was going and when, beginning to collect items, even going to the doctor's for ten billion different shots and telling them I had just signed my life away was all fairly exciting and propelled by the adrenaline and endorphins racing through my body.
But, just as in my analogies, the initial attraction, the first wind wears off, and eventually the runner or the girlfriend hit a plateau. It seems that future World Racers have plateaus as well.
The last two or three weeks have been a MAJOR plateau. I'm still excited in my head, but my heart is completely emotionless. The things that I knew I'd be giving up- home, friends, families, births, weddings, deaths, school, trips, performances, graduations, dances, sorority life- are all starting to really get to me. And the fact that I've been confined to one area code all summer, completely unable to visit the people all over the country that I may never see after this trip, has only been making things worse.
Luckily, though my heart is breaking into little pieces that have spilled all over the floor, my "cool and collected" head (that's a sister definition, I usually disagree) keeps telling me two things:
This is where God is calling you.
There's no question of that. The uncertainties and insecurities and musings and wonderings and frustrations of the last year are gone, and though I'm mourning what cannot be, I'm not rethinking my decisions anymore.
Following God's call isn't easy.
It's not supposed to be a walk in the park. Nothing about the Christian life is promised to us in clean, neatly tied up white packages. We are promised pain and suffering, beatings and bruises, accusations, unpopularity, persecution- all in the name of following after God.
So being a little sad about missing some fun times in the next year? Please.
"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ."
Philippians 3:8
So this is a shout out to everyone who's been helping me through the last few weeks. It's a thank you to everyone who said they had my back.
When you said, "I'm proud of you," it gave me the strength to keep pressing on.
When you said, "guard your heart," it reminded me that this isn't all about me.
When you said "I'm praying for you," it let me know that the power of heaven is being called down to help me through these sometimes difficult days.
When you said, "I love you," I remembered that YES, I am loved, and even though I may have lost my mind and I seem to have a complete inability to commit to one place or thing or person for more than a few months, there are people who understand me, and know my inward weaknesses just as well- if not better than- my outward strengths, but have chosen to look past all that and love me despite it all. You are the ones who, when I get back, will be waiting with open arms, even if I haven't showered. You'll let me tell the same stories two hundred times and not get bored. You'll remind me that life's gone on, but I'm still a part of it. You'll show me the pictures of everything I missed, but promise me there's more to come.
To those of you who have been those people for me, thank you.
It means more than you may ever know.
