As I am days away from stepping into the boldest journey of my life, there is so much coursing through my brain every single minute. From the moment I wake in the morning till my final thoughts before I hit dreamland, I am sorting and shifting through excitement, packing lists, lunch dates, fundraisers, goodbyes and nerves ( Lots of nerves). Theres been a certain level panic that takes over now and then. I am leaving my home! A more permanent leaving than I have ever known before. As I have wrestled with this thought, the Lord has had me search out my motives and understandings of the term “home”.
After training camp I moved back into my parents’ house for my remaining time here in the States. A few days back and I was having a hard time settling in, there was this uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. I began to question it and soon recognized the uneasiness as homesickness. What? How could that be? I was home, here, in the house I grew up in, but in all actuality my home was still in Tyler. At apartment 528 with my sisters, with my dysfunctional family of Target team members and with my amazing Christian community. Maybe that overused cliche “home is where the heart is” has some root of truth. From there, the panic continued as I realized theres a good a chance my heart will be broken many times throughout the next nine months. I will be exploring and falling in love with new lands, communities and cultures, just to say goodbye, again.
Well if home is where the heart is, then Abba Father hear my heart cry: I want my heart to rest completely in you. So that no matter where my feet may be found on this earth, I am home because I am found in you. Amen.
