As I’m approaching graduation from TJC next month, I have been forced to make some decisions as to which direction I will be taking my life in the new season ahead. Deep down I know where my heart longs to be, but the socially conscious side of myself looked for more impressive or success- seeking options. I begun to look into universities to transfer to, new cities to discover, and degrees I could pursue. But the farther I took my research, the deeper the ache in my spirit. I was looking for fulfillment in accomplishments and social standing, but inside I knew I was chasing emptiness. But was I ready to push against the grain to pursue my God the way my Spirit longed?
Over the past year as I have grown intimately in my relationship with God, He has created a tender spot in my heart for humanity, as His children. As I started to discover this burden and pursue His vision for it, missions began to become a reoccurring idea for my future. Now I will be quick to admit that as a child with big dreams and a tender heart for Jesus, I dreamed of crossing oceans and mountains (literally) to share Jesus with everyone! But as I came up against more years of life and it’s struggles those dreams and visions were quieted. To a point I was convinced that I was simply not cut out to spend my life pursuing such dreams. “ I’m too quiet or introverted. My personality isn’t bold or charming enough. My health hasn’t had the most stable history. I’m intellectually gifted therefore I’m expected to pursue a ‘powerful’ or ‘successful’ career.” But with a new sensitivity towards the Lord’s Spirit and the truth found in His Word, the Lord began to address these lies I was allowing to be spoken over my life and take root in my heart. In this season of healing with the Lord, It was made very clear to me that these dreams towards missions and a burden for God’s people are desires that were sown by God. Now was the time He was calling my heart into pursuit. The Lord began to speak truth over my heart, renewing my mind and removing the borders and limitations I had been holding over God and myself. But even as the Lord was being so faithful in His pursuit of me, I began to trip over myself once again. See here’s the thing even as the Lord is beyond faithful and patient in His pursuit of us, He has placed the beautiful gift of free will in our hands. Meaning, even as it was undeniably clear the Lord had placed these dreams for my future in my heart for His glory and that He was preparing me for my journey, he was not going to force me to go. That decision, that choice, was yet another gracious gift from Him to me.
I was sitting on my bedroom floor, pouring my heart out to him as He wrapped this warm stillness around me. Then very gently he spoke this over my heart, “ Nanie, I’m doing big things, and my glory will be made known. You can be apart of it; I am extending this invitation to you. But my daughter this choice is yours. The life I am calling you into is bold, and you will have to trust me completely.” In that moment, the proposal was laid before and it was time for me to accept in faith or continue to settle into my comfortable seat of contentment. Then the verse 2 Timothy 1:7 came to mind. “ For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” I knew the choice was not a one time thing, I would have to choose to renew my decision daily in my walk with the Lord. Jesus had become my vision and my love and I was no longer afraid to say yes.
Isaiah 6:8
So how does this revelation take shape in the near future? Well I am ecstatic to announce that starting in September I have committed the next nine months to advancing the Kingdom of God with a program known as The World Race! Within my nine-month journey I will be traveling to Guatemala, Malaysia and Botswana, spending 3 months in each country. In the months leading to my departure in September, it will be a time of intense preparation and fundraising. Prayers are very much desired and appreciated!! If you would like to keep up with me during this journey, please stay tuned to this blog! I will be updating regularly on fundraising opportunities and events as well as sharing things the Lord is placing on my heart as I continue to let Him prepare me for this adventure!
Much love and God Bless,
Nanie
