I miss internet just because i miss blogging.
i’ve tried to journal multiple times, but the thought of sitting down and writing for hours exhausts me.
It’s month 11.
I really don’t know what to think about all of this.
Some people are freaking out and are crying about the fact that this is over.
Some people talk endlessly about what it looks like to process.
Some people are already checked out because the thought of home is that much sweeter.
Some people, like me, just don’t know what the heck to feel or do.
I’m excited to see my little niece run around, i’m excited to hear my little brothers actually have full on conversations, I am excited to be with the people I love at home. I am excited for food, for the ocean, and for all things home.
& then I think back on this year and already miss all the people that i’ve met, the relationships that I have built on the squad, the lives that were saved, the earthquake that we endured, the cries and laughters that came out of sweet sweet fellowship. I will miss traveling and sleeping in my tent. & so so much more
There are so many lies that are in my head.
Lies that tell me that I haven’t changed at all this year.
Lies that tell me that I will go home exactly the same.
Lies that I haven’t made any solid relationships.
Lies that I will not remember all that God has taught me.
Lies lies lies.
& I know it comes from a deeper place. It comes from a place of being afriad of people. A place of insecurity and lack of self-confidence. & the frightening part of all of this is that this breaks my heart because I am not trusting in the Lord. This means I am fearing man over God. This means I am simply dwelling on myself.
BUT I am strengthened each and every day because God is reminding me of himself. His great great love that I can and will not ever comprehend (praise him for that). He is leading me to a place of humbleness and also joy! He is revealing to me that I am a daughter. A daughter that has been given the greatest gift of all & all I have to continue to do when I go home is to dwell in His presence. Through that God will lead me and show me how to live. He is taking the dark parts of my life into the light.
This race has taught me so much & I am eternally grateful for it but I know this is a small glimpse of His goodness in my life. I know & strongly believe that God will do more through me to bring others closer to Him. There will be more times to rejoice. There will be more seasons of adventures. There will be because God is a good good father. Through the good seasons and the hard seasons, he chooses to refine me and draw me closer to Him.
#thankful.
sorry to those that follow me on tumblr! Repeat post.
