No More Hiding
As I was looking over my Facebook news feed Sunday afternoon I came across pictures a friend had posted of her baptism that morning. I immediately felt so happy for her that she had decided to take this huge step and publicly profess her devotion to Jesus. I was reminded of my own baptism last year and how incredibly close I felt to God at that time. I was honestly a little jealous of my friend. I began wondering why I haven't been feeling more like that lately. Why haven't I been experiencing the Father's love to the same degree recently as I was six months ago?
The simple answer is that I have. No matter how much it does or doesn't feel like it, God's love for me never changes. He loves me the same now as He did when I was still living my life solely in service of myself and my addiction, and the same as He will when I have left this broken earth to join Him in His kingdom. The only thing that has changed is how much I have been showing my love for Him.
Mike Bickle, the head pastor at the International House Of Prayer in Kansas City Missouri, says this; "Obedience is not earning God's love; it is the way we express our love to God." When I read this quote a couple weeks ago it really got me thinking about my personal walk with God and how willing I am to show Him how much I love Him.
I realized that over the past few months I have been focusing a lot on the places in my life where I fall short of holiness. I have believed the lie that God couldn't really love someone as broken as me. I have gone over the seven deadly sins that I learned in Catholic school like a checklist of my personal failures. Like a small child who has been caught drawing on the wall with crayon, I have been "hiding under the bed" fearing Daddy's anger. It has become a vicious cycle because it is impossible to be obedient while constantly hiding.
This morning I spent some time praying and listening to worship music. As usual the thoughts of how I have been failing God entered my mind and my ability to feel connected to Him diminished. I kept going anyway. I heard the Father telling me that what He wants is to spend time with me. When I focus on my sin and in turn hide from Him, I am denying Him the relationship that He longs for. I heard Him say that He wants me to leave my personal failures at the cross and let Him continue to work in my life. He has a plan for me. What He wants from me is simple. He wants me to love Him and to love others. I heard Him say that, even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes, He loves me and He is pleased with me.
So, how do I become more obedient? How do I use this revelation that God really does love me and really is pleased with me to show Him how much I love Him? I am going to trust Him to work out the kinks in my life. I am going to stop hiding and start spending more time with Him. I am going to let the Holy Spirit minister to my heart. I am going to love others. I am going to listen when He speaks. I am going to answer when I am called. I am a son and it is time to start acting like it.
It is easy to let a spirit of religion trample the relationship that the Father desires to have with us. I feel like there is a great number of people out there who feel like they are disappointments to God. The enemy wants us to believe the lie that God is mad at us and we need to hide. My hope is that maybe through reading this some of you are able to hear the Truth that God loves you and wants to be with you. Jesus died on the cross so that we can have a relationship with the Father not so we can try to be "good" on our own. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Love Y'all!!!
