Warning to my readers: This post is not well organized. It is more of a brain dump of my emotions and feelings since being home. Sorry if it seems scatter brained, but that is honestly where my head is at. I can’t seem to get a clean thought out of my head. I still hope you enjoy reading it and I cannot thank you enough for the support and prayers you have given me this year. Please continue to do so as I make this transition.
Home is….
Home is comfortable. Home is safe. Home is normal. Home is different than the life I’ve been living for a year. Home is good. Home is hard.
Everywhere I go people ask me the same question, “Am I glad to be home?” My answer is always the same, Yes and No. Yes I am glad to be back with my family and friends. Yes I am glad that there is always food in the fridge and there is ice available at the push of a button. Yes I am glad my clothes finally smell clean for the first time in a year. Yes I am glad to have my moms’ cooking.
Lucky for me I got to be introduced back into the American culture when I had a long layover in Atlanta. I got to see all the fancy paved roads, the superstores, and the endless places to go eat. So that part of transitioning home for me has not been to hard. Yes there is still a little culture shock, but that part is not overwhelming to me.
I feel like my transition back into the world of America went smoothly, but I missed the train on how to interact with the people around me. I feel like an alien. I am having a hard time figuring out how to be me, the me who is completely different from the me who left a year ago. I feel like no one can connect with me or I can’t connect with them. Things that used to annoy me just seem petty now. I can’t figure out how to keep all the things I learned and try to share them. I don’t want to be that person that pushes God down someones throat; so how do I rely the truth without seeming pushy or self righteous. Being around my family or friends for to long is exhausting. I have not had but one day by myself since being home. My soul is tired. I miss community. I did not realize how hard it would be without someone there to talk about God with, to worship with, to tell all my dirty laundry to without being judged.
Grace. I am learning this whole transition is about grace. I am having to receive it from the people around me and give it to them as well. I am having to tell myself that ‘they did not go on this trip with me, they stayed here in a worldly minded society.’ Grace. It is all about grace and I am learning the true meaning of it.
Transitioning home for me has been hard and good. It is slow going, but I am where I am loved and cared for more than anywhere else in the world.
This is home.
