And I’m not going.
“God takes us from glory to glory, but it’s hell in the hallway.”
That quote pretty much sums up the last few weeks of my life as I’ve been wrestling with my decision to go to Bethel.
One thing I want to be true about my life is that I consistently did things that were too big for me to accomplish on my own. Each season I’ve walked into over the past 3 years has required God to show up in a radical way. It’s been a terrifying and thrilling journey that I’m so thankful for.
After we go through a season of major growth with The Lord, He usually brings us into a season of pruning. The pruning season is not fun and I always find myself begging God to take me out of it. However, if it weren’t for that time of refinement, I know I wouldn’t be prepared for what’s to come and would try to do things out of my own strength.
As I prayed about my decision to go to Bethel, I realized that it was based out of a lot of “safety”. I would have community, I would kind of know what to expect, Bethel would look good to people who are expecting me to move onto great things, I know I world grow a lot from it, and it would provide me with a plan. Not all of those are “bad” things, but I was feeling unsettled in my Spirit. At first, I thought the feeling maybe because I was making a major life decision and that’s scary. But after wrestling with Lord a lot and seeking counsel from mentors and friends, I realized there was more going on.
Bethel’s first year program focuses a lot on identity and finding who you are in The Lord. That’s an awesome and necessary thing to walk through and discover, but that’s also what I’ve spent these past 3 years figuring out. I believe there are always new layers of growth and insight that can come from from The Lord regarding who we are, but I didn’t necessarily feel God calling me to walk through that season again.
Before I left to squad lead, Bill Swan encouraged me that I’ve spent the last couple years of my life being poured into and learning so much, and now God was calling me into a season of activation to draw out all the gold He had placed inside of me. I realized by going to Bethel, I was kind of taking a step back from that. There was a hidden motive in my heart of feeling like I needed further validation of what the Lord has equipped me with, to be able to transition out of AIM and into something new.
Another thing that terrified me was that I didn’t have an alternative plan to Bethel. I have an overall vision for my life, but I wasn’t sure which would be the best step to take to get there since I could only see one option.
Last week, I made my decision not to go to Bethel and to trust God to show up. Of course, as soon as I released my safety net to Him, He came through in a big way.
I know this next season is going to require a big leap of faith on my part, but that excites me so much. I would rather fail doing something that’s too big for me than to comfortably coast through my life.
So, what am I doing?!….
Well, you’re going to have to wait to find out….
😉
Stay tuned for the conclusion and my final World Race Blog…
