I am squad leading with 2 co-leaders this year. Co-leading is like being thrown into a weird arranged marriage that you have to make work without any foundation to fall back on. It takes a lot of authenticity and intentionality.
(Team Squad Leaders! Shad, Alyssa, and myself.)
I will never forget the first week I spent with my co-leader (Alyssa) before training camp. Alyssa and I are very different. She is bold, fierce, extremely prophetic, very extroverted, and is obsessed with cats and swimming like a mermaid. I am gentle, wise, intentionally loving, slightly introverted, and obsessed with every animal that isn’t a cat and running like a human.
Our personalities didn’t exactly hit it off or instantly mesh upon our first week in Georgia, or the second week at training camp, or the third week at leader training, or the fourth week at launch. I remember feeling as if I was constantly walking on egg shells with her. I kept trying to do everything in my power to become her best friend and she kept doing the same for me. We both tried toning ourselves down a little bit in order to hopefully find versions of ourselves that worked well together. However, the more we tried, the worse it got.
The night before we left for the Philippines, our squad mentor told us to stop trying. She said, “The squad doesn’t need you to be best friends. They need to see two women who can confidently walk in their different giftings together.” That made sense, but still felt like we wouldn’t be able to cultivate a genuine relationship. However, what we were doing sure wasn’t working, so we decided to give it a shot. I remember sitting Alyssa down on the bed, admitting all of my insecurities, confessing all of my comparisons, and telling her that I was going to stop trying and just let the Lord work it out.
The next morning, I felt a shift. There was almost like an exhale in our relationship.
Once we both experienced the freedom to be our whole selves, we both began to love each other wholly. In the midst of “toning ourselves down”, we were giving each other false versions of ourselves. I never felt truly loved by Alyssa, because I never let her see the true version of me. When I let Alyssa experience my unmasked self, I felt as though she genuinely accepted me.
The more fully and confidently we walked out who we were, the better our relationship got. I began to view Alyssa out of the love and acceptance Christ had given to me. I stopped constantly comparing myself to her and started appreciating the strengths in our differences. I realized that love isn’t something I can generate on my own, but that genuine love for her comes through accepting the genuine love the Father has given me.
Loving Alyssa well came through loving myself well and loving myself well came through loving the Lord well. It is amazing how much our relationship with the Lord, and acceptance of His love for ourselves, affects our relationships with others.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you…” – John 15:9
The God who loves everybody can love anybody through you.
(Gap-B Squad)
*Alyssa, I seriously love you girl. I am so thankful for the genuine friendship we have cultivated. I have so much respect for you and appreciate every part of how God has gifted you. Thank you for fighting for me every day, for constantly empowering me, and for feeling like you can be your true self with me. If I could go back and pick a co-leader, I would pick you every time. XOXO, Mo
** Shad, I love you too.
