I guess this all started at 12 AM on October 22’nd, my birthday. God told me to read Psalms before bed. Since it was my 23’rd birthday, I decided to read the 23’rd Psalm.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Throughout the entire day I was reflecting on the 23’rd Psalm. I kept thinking of all the ways God has comforted me, led me, and lavished me this past year and the years prior. There is truly nothing more humbling than that.
Later in the day, Bill Swan gave us some questions to ask ourselves during our lab time. A couple of the questions he asked were, “What are the deepest desires of your heart and what do you really want with the Lord?”
As I prayed through them, God stirred up a lot of things inside of me. The main desire that stood out to me was that I wanted to be fully alive and not just live. Just when I thought that, God gave me an image of myself running out into a body of water. I felt fulfilled, free, joyful, and ALIVE.
Then, God told me that He wanted me to get baptized today.
WHAT?!
See, I was baptized when I was 11 years old and I haven’t felt a need to be baptized since. It definitely hasn’t been because of a lack of opportunities though. In March, half of my squad got baptized in the Nile River for crying out loud! I was a little envious of their experience, but I didn’t feel like God was telling me to get baptized there.
Now, here I am in Gainesville, GA and God is telling me to get baptized in the chilly lake water. It didn’t exactly sound like an appealing idea at first. I mean, why didn’t He call me to get baptized in the Nile, when it was warm?
Then, God took me on a journey. He walked me through all that He has done in my life since the age of 11. I reflected on my triumphs and my struggles. I remembered my hurts and my healings. I got to look back on the hardest moment of my life and see it from God’s perspective.
I remember uncontrollably weeping one night and then hearing God say, “Hold on.”
In the moment, I couldn’t see how He was going to redeem my situation or what He was telling me to hold on for. As I was surrounded by darkness and pain, He was holding my hand and pulling me into something greater than I could have ever envisioned. When all I could see was the struggle, God saw the blessings that were going to come out of it. I know His heart broke for me, but I think He was smiling at the same time. I know, because I looked back and smiled today.
I am so humbled by how God has moved in my life. There is no greater love story to me.
I feel like for the first time in my life, I have given God complete control.
For the first time, I am totally satisfied in Him alone.
For the first time, I feel like I am truly alive.
So, on my 23’rd birthday, Lynne and I walked out into the brisk water of Lake Lanier. It wasn’t a structured or rehearsed moment. Instead, it was just a big celebration full of laughter. We didn’t enter the water with a plan of how the baptism should work. We just knew that she was supposed to baptize me and we trusted that the Spirit would guide us through it. After some worship, prayers, fish attacks, goose bumps, laughter, and declarations, I was submerged in the presence of the Lord.
This baptism was nowhere near as smooth or structured as the one was when I was 11. However, our laughter through the unknowns, perfectly expressed my heart in it.
I want to have unceasing joy, no matter what my circumstances look like.
I want to follow the Lord with a fierce passion, even when I don’t understand what He is calling me to do.
I want to live fully alive, even if that makes me look a little crazy.
Abba, thank you for the romantic adventure You take me on daily. I love you.
This is an expression of that:
