Living in community becomes more complicated every day for someone like me for more reasons than I can count. I really did not foresee it being this difficult, but I was wrong. I genuinely love each and every person that is on my squad, but just being around people 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week is a bit much. Having five teams in one location seems like the dream because you are surrounded by people you love, but that also means you don’t have a second without someone. Even in my current situation of writing this blog and praying for the Lord to give me words, I am sitting in “Hammock City” surrounded by people including my Pastor. (He is loving it!)
I eat with them. I share a room with them. I do ministry with them. We have off days together. We hang out together. We do Team Time together. All of the togetherness is so wonderful, but a bit overwhelming. I feel as though I have been consumed with other people and having this time with them.
The Lord has actually been showing me just that. I have been consumed with the other people and myself so much so that I have not been consuming my time with Him. It seemed crazy when I thought about what He was telling me because I have been in constant communication with Him these days. He told me that He wanted more of me. I asked what more I could possibly be giving and received no answer. I have been asking this question for two days now and it wasn’t until I heard this song, Invitation by Cageless Birds, that I realized that is was He wanted from me.
There’s a greater something
An invitation for more
There’s a great big someone
Living inside out of little me
He’s calling, calling, calling me
Back to the garden
I have often thought about what it must have been like in the beginning of time when man could freely walk in the garden with the Lord. What the relationship must have been like and how you could possibly be so close to Him. The Lord doesn’t just want me to come to Him when I need something, or when I am asking Him to help me navigate this life I am now living. I have been so consumed with what I am going through and the people I encounter that I have not been spending the time that He is actually asking me for. He is calling me deeper; back into the Garden where I can walk with Him hand and hand. He wants communion—not a list of request and reports.
To have all the Courage
To have the greater faith
And just to simply breathe in
All of the greatness of who you are
To know that I am seen
To know you’re singing my song
And in your mighty chest
There is a heart that beats for me
I want to be so close with my father that I can hear His heart beat for me. I am so thankful that the Lord can send reminders to me and speak to me in so many different ways! I love the relationship that I have with Him, but I am searching for even more. I need this time where I don’t allow others to even invade my thoughts during this time of just walking through the garden with Him. Just the two of us, and no one else is invited.
The good news though is that He desires to have this with all His children. Though you cannot come on my journey for growth in relationship with Him, you can have you own walk through the garden with our Heavenly Father.
My prayer for now is that the Lord forgives me for not putting forward enough effort to leave others out of our relationship. I pray that as I move forward I can begin to focus my time with Him around more than just what I have going on and who I am around.
