It was Wednesday morning, March 5th. The sunlight warmed my face while I drove towards the gym. My life finally felt settled after a rough few months. As I was gliding down a hill, I lightly pressed the gas pedal but nothing happened. I tried again, but it the engine didn’t even register a change.
The next stop was a crowded intersection. Quickly, my brain processed through the options. Stop at the light, and risk being stuck there, or turn left on the last side street. No one was coming, so I swerved the car to the left and coasted to a stop by the curb.
I hoped and prayed that it was nothing, but my gas pedal was good and dead. (Side note, that’s also when I got the song Gas Pedal stuck in my head and it has stayed there ever since.) “Nooooooooooooo, not again!” No one could hear me as I pounded the steering wheel, but that didn’t stop the words from flowing out. A few quick tears escaped. I couldn’t believe that something else was going wrong especially after the last few months…
The end of January hit like a financial earthquake, everything I thought was on a firm foundation cracked and I was left standing in rubble. Within two days I found out that my car needed a new engine and I lost 1/3 of my monthly support. I blogged about the struggle in “One Tough Week.”
February passed in a blur. While trying to figure out my life and get my car fixed, I asked the hard questions, “Do I need to quit missions and do something that doesn’t involve fundraising?” “Am I doing the right thing with my life?”
I’ve always believed that “the truth does not fear questions.” So, I asked… and the answer came in beautiful bits and pieces.
In the midst of a difficult situation, I was overwhelmed by the generosity of the people around me. I had 5 different cars I could borrow. I was able to drive every single day during the 3 weeks it took to get a new engine. That outpouring of generosity served as a wonderful reminder that I’m deeply cared for.
Loosing financial stability forced me to work through my support raising fears, it’s been a difficult but restorative process. I’m not “there” yet, but the progress has been astronomical. I would never have faced those demons, if everything stayed status quo. I’m actually grateful for January’s losses. Through prayer I formulated a support-raising plan, which I have been following, but God has been providing completely outside of my actions. At this moment I’ve recovered over 60% of my monthly support. I had multiple people tell that they felt prompted to give early in January, before they had any idea about my situation.
(February Mexico Mission Team)
The Mexico mission trip I got to lead in February was the best yet. Our team put on a women’s retreat. Four days before leaving I almost canceled the event, I was scared that we didn’t have enough people to pull off a retreat for fifty women. Everything ended up being amazing. The women, who never get a break felt pampered, loved and cared for. I ended up giving a message about letting go of expectations and holding on to hope and afterwards most of the women asked for prayer while tears streamed down their faces. It was powerful.
(Preaching for the women in Mexico, photo by Solveig Buciak)
As I sat on the side of the road, I couldn’t help but think of all the ways God had been faithful over the last month. So I pragmatically prayed, “God you know what’s left in my bank account after getting a new engine… HELP.” With in an hour AAA showed up and my car was on its way back to the same shop that replaced the engine. My roommate also dropped everything to take me to coffee and pick up my free rental car.
That afternoon the mechanic called, with great news. The problem was an easy fix and because it was a quick repair they didn’t want to charge me. I was incredibly grateful. I’m hard headed, but through everything over the last few months, I’m learning that God really does provide.
