God gives us a promise in Mathew 7 and Jeremiah 29 that if we seek Him, we will find Him. And I have found this to be true. What I have found through seeking out that relationship is that life looks different. I can do completely nothing in my day and be completely satisfied only because I am chosen by my Creator. And I FEEL that; it feels like love and security and peace and… good. It makes the trees seem greener and the sky bluer and people and life more beautiful, even when it’s really messy. And life… is messy. I’ve had days where I feel euphoric and will smell a sweet aroma. Sometimes the aroma smells like syrup or flowers or chocolate, but nothing will be around me to produce that smell. I can only connect it to the verse that talks about how we, as God’s children, will be like a sweet aroma, or is it He’s a sweet aroma to us, however it’s put, it’s about the presence of God and the sweet fragrance that is. If you’re reading this thinking that all of this sounds like I’ve taken a 70’s trip and I am not in touch with reality due to some special candy of the recreational sort, I would say, seek out God, test what I’m talking about. Experiencing a relationship with God is the best high, the best drug, the best adventure, the best love story I’ve ever had.
Some of you may be reading this and nodding along, completely agreeing with all that I’ve said. Maybe you can also agree that when you’ve been walking in a season like that for a while, you begin to feel like a new creation; you feel different. And it’s great! But, that's actually not what this blog is about. This is about when your boat gets rocked and I mean REALLY rocked. Cue seasickness.
My family’s boat is going through a hurricane right now, and it doesn’t look like this is going to blow over anytime soon. To be completely transparent, I am not handling this as well as I would like; I am really struggling with it, mainly with all of my family’s underlying individual issues that have erupted back to the surface, including mine. Issues that I thought we had grown beyond due to what God has done in us as a family over the last few years. I have been angry and extremely disappointed, and this past week I have come to the point of openly verbalizing that anger. Some of it has been therapeutic where I have been able to see the root of my anger and come to a better understanding of my relationship with certain family members, but some of my words have been pure word vomit and not pretty. To the point where it hit me, “Oh crap, I’m still human.”
Even as a child of God, who sees life outside of the matrix, I still live in a messy world and people’s boats are getting rocked everyday in bigger ways than mine just did. And I’m about to step into other cultures and lifestyles completely opposite than mine. I am going to hurt and be disappointed and angry just from the injustice I see that doesn’t directly affect me physically but completely will touch me spiritually.
God says that He uses all things for the good of those who love Him, and this hurricane is working things out in me that…. well, let me break it down for you in 5 key places He’s brought me.
1. When I step into the mess with my family or anyone else who’s going through it, expect it to be tough and expect it to affect me. And even if I mess up or mishandle it, I cannot make a mistake that's too big for Him to fix. He totally fixed my word vomit moments and I mean quickly, bringing forgiveness, grace, love, restoration and redemption within minutes.
2. Step into the mess. Yes I have choices and at some point I may have to choose to remove myself if the ones I’m trying to help continue to choose the drama and not come into agreement with me or what I feel the Lord is showing me. But if I don’t step into the mess with them, I don’t give God the chance to use me.
3. Remember that God did not promise me that life was going to be fair, but He did promise me that He would walk with me, even carry me when needed, through it.
4. Don’t put expectations on others that I only truly know God has grown in me, even when it’s my family. He says we came through our family, not from them. We are from God, made by Him and for Him. I am now His child; to act as His daughter. And this one is REALLY hard. It’s hard to make that separation of thought, but it can help me love them where they are instead of where I want them to be.
5. Nothing, NOTHING, can separate me from God. No situation, no mistake, no failure, no place, no person, no wrong choice, no storm. I am for Him and He is for me. Even when it looks like there’s no hope, I can continue to put my hope in the Lord and in prayer to Him.
Most of these are truths that He has already been growing in me, but when we mess up and come to Him saying, “Man, Lord, I really wish that had gone down differently.” He reminds us of who we are to Him and who we are in Him. Love, identity, security, peace, purpose. Life abundant and completely taken care of.
Praise and thanksgiving to God who is good and is good all the time.
~m
