God starting pouring the assignment of life "planning" into me last year. I had to go through the process of letting go complete control to Him and being in a state of limbo (for a few years actually) until I felt like God was saying "Thank you for giving me control, for wanting Me to have control, now…GET UP, it's time for you to start making plans again, and this means making choices."
I have a "word wall" in my room of quotes, verses, and words given to me by the Lord to meditate on. One of the words up on my wall is "CHOICES." When the Lord kept bringing that word to me over and over, and I finally wrote in down, what struck me was how it's spelled, what letter is in the middle. ChoIces, c-h-o-i-c-e-s. I is in the middle of choices = I am in the middle of my choices. This was pretty huge for me.
At first, I got really concerned, like "God are you sure. You saw how I have messed things up before. I really don't want to experience some of the crap I've dealt with in the past as a result of my bad choices." And I kept hearing that He trusts me… What?! God trusts me? Say again? …. but that's what I kept hearing, "Monica, you have given Me control. I trust you to plan and make good choices." But it wasn't until He gave me the verse Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself also in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart" that I understood why He trusts me. I really struggled with this verse at first because I thought, "but what if my desires are "Monica desires" and not godly desires," then He showed me, it's not even about the desires, it's about WHERE they are coming from. Delight myself in the Lord and HE will give me the desires of my heart. When I got this, I just broke down crying. God's giving me my desires, that I can trust in. Now, i understand; He trusts my choices because I delight in Him, in the same way I should trust my desires knowing they come from Him and make choices that fall in line with those desires and His word.
After that day last September, man, things started moving!
One of the big things for me He kept reassuring me with through that process was, "Monica, you cannot make a mistake that I can't fix." I particularly heard this a lot in the shower. LOL. The shower's a great conversation place with Papa. 😉
Below is the article that birthed this blog. It was a good reminder for me to listen to myself. I'm experiencing a renewal in the thoughts of listening to my gut, having a conscience, which i think is in line with listening to our convictions. This whole World Race thing can get stressful when it comes to thinking about fundraising, but for the most part I have peace about it because I know God is calling me to it and I know He will provide the funds, and I know He will lead me in HOW and WHEN i need to go about it. But when I talk to certain people, i can start to get anxious about it, and I have to reset my faith button in regards to the Lord's leading as opposed to my doing after those conversations. Reminding myself that the Lord is helping me do this and the support will come.
So, soon, I'll be leaving my Columbus, my hometown, which I have been calling my Jerusalem lately. This is in relation to Acts 1 when Jesus told the disciples not to depart from Jerusalem until they were baptized in the Holy Spirit and then they would know, receiving power and being led accordingly to be witnesses in their city, the surrounding cities and to the ends of the earth. Reinhard Bonnke talked about this during the Jesus Culture Awakening Conference last August, and I asked the Lord then, "Have i been in my Jerusalem, am i still waiting, have i left, when can i leave, how will i know?" I don't know exactly when it happened or how I knew but I know now, Columbus has been my Jerusalem, and I've been His witness to my city and the cities around me and He is calling me to the ends of the earth now, literally. 😉
I was talking to a friend (the one who suggested I should post this blog) about this article. She is going through a similar season like the one I referred to in the beginning of my blog. I gave her some advice I would like to share with all my friends out there, because we all go through these seasons…. I know you're frustrated, but it'll be worth it. The best advice I can give you is to throw yourself into what God is doing, no matter how scary or tough it may seem or feel. And maybe this is easier for me to do than you, because I'm one of those that likes to run through the valleys, but one of the reasons is because I'd rather run through the valley so I can get on the other side of it faster and savor the success of the season. Doesn't change the valley, it's still a valley, but it's worth it. That's what I told myself everyday for a season and remind myself now in the tough moments. It's all going to be worth it. His love makes it worth it. Totally.
hugs~m
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