I believe that there are times at which God goes to great lengths to get our attention. This well describes my past week being in and out of well health.
On Wednesday, a fever hit me like a brick wall. Feeling light-headed during a team leader meeting prompted me to chug water with the thought that I was dehydrated, only leading me to feel more and more faint. So once it was over, I headed straight to bed. After laying down for a while and having multiple people check on me, it was discovered that I had a fever which was a consistent conclusion with all the muscle and bone aches my body was experiencing.
The fever broke and slowly my body was recovering from the pain, but that lead way to mysterious digestive issues, keeping me in the bathroom for long periods of time at an uncomfortably frequent occurrence. Mind you, our only toilet for the month was the ever-celebrated squatty potty… Needless to say, one is put into very humbling positions when remaining in the squatty potty bathroom for said long periods of time at an uncomfortably frequent occurrence.
So later in the day, Matilda took me and my squadmate to the hospital to understand what was going on in our bodies and to receive medication. Here it was determined that we had a virus and were given prescriptions right away.
And the medicine helped a lot! For a day.
But then the medicine they prescribed me provoked another infection within my body, one that also sent me to bathroom at an uncomfortably frequent occurrence… This came about the day before we were to leave Albania.
In a phase of panic, realizing the dire consequences that would arise from enduring this infection on a 34+ hour bus ride, I hid out in the bathroom for a long while trying to flush everything out of my system. Which did not work.
And during all of this, I continued to ask God,
“Why do you keep bringing me to this humbling position?
What are you trying to tell me?
I am here. I am listening. You have my attention.”
And His response, “Why do you doubt that I will take care of you?”
I had no answer…
But we were leaving at 6:30 am in the morning and I had to finish packing so I pulled myself together and prepared for the travel days as best I could. And I trusted that if God didn’t heal me from this, surely He would provide what I needed to get me through the travel days. Jehovah Jireh. Little did I realize then that my trust was limited to my expectance of specific provisions. I trusted that God would make sure there was a toilet on the bus so I wouldn’t worry about having to use it at every hour (as that was the least frequent occurence I was experiencing).
Turns out, we didn’t have a working toilet on the bus. It was being used as a storage closet.
In this realization, the panic developed into a breakdown. I cried and cried and cried because all though my squad leaders assured me that the bus can stop as often as possible, I knew that in an emergency, there would be no time to stop the bus.
And I was angry. Because God did not heal me of this before travelling. And when He did not heal me, He did not provide in the ways I expected.
But He remains faithful, even while we are not, because He did provide for me in ways I didn’t imagine. Now I can recognize He provided me with a community that carried me for two days to get me to Moldova. Through some people, he provided various supplies that I needed like baby wipes for my more than average use of the bathroom during rest stops. Through others, He allowed for a system to be developed on the bus in case I needed to use the bathroom in an emergency (which was used more than several times). And through everyone, He provided the grace of others to relieve me of shame that would normally exist in a similar situation.
We arrived in Falesti, Moldova late Monday night after a 34.5 hour bus ride and a 4 hour train ride. We all passed out right away from the exhaustion that travel days normally provoke. And in the morning, I was fully healed from all that haunted me the five days prior.
Healing came. As did provision.
Just not in the way I expected.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.” –Isaiah 43:2
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” –Joshua 1:9
