“There’s got to be more…
There’s got to be so much more to life than this.”
That phrase has always existed in my heart, for as long as I remember.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I’ve grown up loving the sea. Perhaps that’s expected as I am the daughter of my father, who finds freedom in sailing and has evoked that sentiment on our family as a whole. Even so, every time I stand along the edge of a large body of water, whether it be a limited bay, an extensive sea, or the infinite ocean, I feel this ever so familiar urge to just go. Go where? I don’t know, who does? Go there… out there, somewhere, anywhere. I just want to go.
This urge, this restlessness has been with me all along. Whenever I have the time to sit and think and reflect on life, it stirs in my heart. I can’t explain why it’s there, or even how it got there, I just feel its influence on my thoughts. Sometimes I wonder whether these thoughts exist out of boredom since I only really have time to reflect when I’m on vacation or the ever-long breaks between semesters. And yet, maybe these thoughts only surface at those times because I rid myself of distractions and finally notice them. I start to think what life would be like if I dropped everything I created my world to be and just went. Somewhere. Anywhere. For I have spent a very long time developing my life to be the way I’ve always intended it to be, and yet, it’s still not enough.
“There’s got to be more…”
Perhaps the two are connected, the restlessness and the dissatisfaction. In the study of fluid mechanics, there is a word we use to explain how a position’s velocity, be it air or water or other fluid, is affected by a vortex filament of the same substance. The word is “induced.” For example, the velocity of the position is induced by a nearby vortex filament. However, this term does not mean that the velocity is a result of the vortex filament, or that the vortex is a result of the velocity. Neither is true, the two exist simultaneously, and they have always existed together. Perhaps this term can be applied to phenomena outside of fluid dynamics, perhaps we can say that this restlessness that I feel so consistently is induced by the dissatisfaction of life. And yet, maybe there is another layer that becomes even more prevalent that the two combined. Perhaps the restlessness and dissatisfaction is induced by the Lord’s presence in my life. For the Lord has been pulling at my heart for as long as I can remember. And I am certain, more than anything else, that my soul longs for a higher existence and is ever anxious to get there.
But for the past 4 years of life, I have stayed committed to school, to dance, to life. For every time I thought about leaving, I would hear God’s gentle whisper telling me, “I have you right where you are supposed to be.” With the rough late nights, the even rougher early mornings, the never ending exams and assignments, the delicate and difficult situations that leadership positions yield, the even harder emotional situations I have put myself through, it has been the hardest thing in the world not to quit altogether. But then there was always that voice, “I have you right where you are supposed to be.” Yet, I praise God that the weight of the world I took on was never enough to crush my Christ-induced desire to leave it all behind. And after 4 years of waiting, not so patiently, He has finally given me the opportunity to go. Somewhere. Anywhere. Everywhere.
I have not yet discovered my heart for missions, I just know my heart for cultures and people. I don’t know the first thing about evangelizing to strangers or working with orphanages or even being in a 3rd world country. But I can’t ignore this induced desire to leave the comforts of my home and allow Him to use me in whatever way He chooses. And when I wake up every day and remind myself that in 7 or so months, I’m packing up to embark on whatever adventure will come, I am constantly in awe of God’ grace in even presenting this as an opportunity.
And so I’m going. I’m joining the World Race with minimal hesitation and no doubts that this is right. God has proved Himself faithful in presenting this opportunity, I must now remain faithful in taking it.
Thus I pray…
