So I didn’t want to write this because I felt like I had too much to say and not enough time to say it, but there is just too much goodness for me to keep it to myself. I’ll start from the beginning…
I mentioned in my last blog post that my family recently surprised me with a party. We celebrated my birthday, Christmas, and Thanksgiving all in one night since I was going to miss these things this year, and they couldn’t stand the thought of not celebrating with me. What we didn’t know however, was that it would also be the last time we would celebrate all of these holidays (birthday included) with my grandpa. My grandpa unexpectedly died August 23rd, two weeks before leaving for launch. I had to keep reminding myself that when God told me to do this race, he knew my grandpa would die two weeks before leaving, and although we weren’t expecting it, he was. But yet I couldn’t stop the fear from taking the place of my excitement, and I began to challenge God as saying, “This better be worth it.”
Jumping forward to launch, parents have the opportunity to come and get to know other parents and racers, and sit in some sessions to learn more about what their lovely children will be doing all year. I was really excited for my parents to come for all of these reasons, but I was absolutely dreading having to say goodbye to them. But it’s like my dad said, “Saying goodbye to Molly for 11 months is hard, but 10 hours of sessions, learning and hearing what she’ll be doing, changed it from the most heartsick feeling I’ve ever experienced to one of my greatest blessings.” God used this time to make all of us more confident in this path I have chosen, and when I saw my parents even more excited for me, my excitement started to increase a little, leaving less room for fear.
So my parents left, it was still hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be. We left each other with a mentality more like “We got this” versus “What am I going to do without you for so long”. All of us racers have continued to have talks from alumni racers of suggested do’s and don’ts for the race and different things to think about as we prepare to leave. Although this has been very helpful in a lot of ways, it has also somewhat stressed me out, worrying that I am going to do something “wrong” or somehow not make the most of the opportunities this year. I am an over-thinker, an over-worrier, and somewhat of a perfectionist, so instead of just enjoying the moment, I am (over)thinking about what I should or shouldn’t do in order to not mess this up.
I was challenged today to “stop it”. Stop over thinking, stop worrying, just let it go, be who I am instead of who I think I should be, and let God do his thing. Even thinking about this brought me some peace, but I still didn’t see any glimpses of it happening. But then I decided to check my fundraising status and BOOM! I’m fully funded!
I actually didn’t even believe it at first because I was still in my “I’m challenging God” mode, but slap in the face, it’s real. It’s like God is saying, “See Mol, just LET. IT. GO!” He keeps giving me little confirmations like this, so it’s time for me to just go with it. It reminds me of my favorite song currently (which was also the first one we sang in worship tonight) called You Make Me Brave (look it up if you haven’t heard it). There is a part that goes “As your love in wave after wave, crashes over me, for you are for us, you are not against us, champion of Heaven you made a way for all to enter in.” I keep worrying about all of the things I have to do, forgetting that it’s in God’s hands, not mine. Fundraising wasn’t necessarily something I was super worried about, so I don’t know if it’s my love for numbers or because it’s something I am physically able to see and that is the only way he can get my attention, but God has been using it time and time again to prove to me he’s got this. And it will be worth it. So stop worrying and have a little faith.
So my prayer request: Please pray that I can let go and let God, that I don’t worry about the little things, but remember that I am exactly where God wants me to be right now, and that I can allow him to use me in whatever ways he has planned. We also leave TOMORROW, so please pray for safe travels the next few days as we will be traveling from Atlanta to Dallas to LAX to China to Cambodia.
And one extra update: We have a route change! So in Africa, instead of going to Botswana, Swaziland, and South Africa, we are now going to Uganda, Rwanda, and Ethiopia!
Also, being that I am now fully funded, if you would still like to donate, you have a couple options: 1. I do still need personal money for the year, so you can donate to me directly. Or 2. The majority of my squad is not fully funded yet, and I know they would love a little help, so I would be happy to give you his/her information.
xoxo. Life is such a wonderful adventure.
