Today I am sitting in Pozarevac, Serbia, finally taking some much needed time to reflect on the past few weeks.
In the last four weeks, I moved out of NYC, traveled to Indiana to see family, returned to Ohio to meet with as many friends as possible, figured out how to pack for 11 months in two backpacks, spoke at two churches, traveled to Atlanta for World Race launch trainings and activities, flew to Serbia, and experienced one week of life on the World Race. Amidst the whirlwind of traveling, I have often caught myself asking the question, “How did I get here?” I never expected to leave New York, I never saw myself speaking in front of a church, and I definitely never saw myself dropping everything to become a missionary. But the truth is that God saw all of this from the moment I was created.
As I was preparing to speak about my story and the World Race at my parents’ church three weeks ago, God made this truth clear to me. The pastor at this church has known me since I was 10 years old, as he was the youth pastor during my middle school and high school years. As I began to share with him what I planned to say about my current story, he kept pointing out little things that he remembered about my past. He remembered the eighth grade Molly who asked for special permission to go on her first international mission trip to Mexico before she met the high school age requirement. He remembered high school Molly who prioritized dancing at the church’s Valentine’s Dinner to raise money for missions, even when she did not have the freedom in her ballet schedule to actually go and serve on the trips. More and more little moments kept popping up in my mind as our conversation continued, and it became evident that even though these moments did not appear significant in the moment and were not arranged in a linear path that clearly pointed to the World Race, God has been planting seeds in my life for years.
But despite this assurance from the Lord that all of those seeds led to the fruit that is my current journey, I experienced some really miserable days leading up to speaking at the two churches and leaving for launch. I don’t think I had ever believed in the full reality of spiritual warfare until it hit me with full force. I don’t love public speaking, but I have done enough of it to feel fairly comfortable. I normally get some nerves the night before or morning of, but nothing extreme. This time, however, I found myself nauseous for days before the Sunday mornings at church, and I was constantly shaking. I would fall asleep shaking and wake up still trembling. I could not mentally understand what was happening, because I had peace about what I would say. The physical response could only be explained as an attack of the enemy.
I was feeling ashamed to admit what was happening, because I felt like people would just tell me that God says “Do not be afraid,” and that they would tell me to pray and ask God for peace. I was ardently praying, but the attacks weren’t going away. One Friday night, I remembered that my sweet teammate Catie had given me a little book to carry around full of truths and encouragement from God about our identity and purpose. I opened it to a random page, praying that God would declare something over me that would give me peace about speaking, and freedom from the clutches of these physical attacks. I opened to Philippians 2:12-13: Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
Wow. Don’t you love it when God puts the right scripture in front of you at the right time, as a direct response to your prayers? God reminded me that the heat comes when you are closer to the mission. He showed me that the physical trembling that I was experiencing was actually a blessing, because it completely humbled me and made me realize how much I needed God to speak through me instead of me trying to power through on my own. He reminded me that I need this mentality in all ministry I approach for the rest of my life, to allow room for God to work to fulfill His purpose in the way He would like it fulfilled.
Now that I am in Serbia, I am excited to see that God wants to continue the idea of seed planting with me, while continuing to remind me that I can’t do anything without Him. Just as I realized how many seeds He had planted in my life leading up to this point, He has now asked my team to become seed planters, boldly building relationships and sharing the gospel despite any fear we may have, all for His good purpose of getting to know His children, loving them, and revealing how much more He has in store for their lives.
We are working with the local evangelical church to reach out to young people around our age. This small church that seats 30-40 people in a renovated garage is the only evangelical church in Pozarevac. I am in absolute awe of the people in this church community, as they are making huge sacrifices to pursue intimate relationship with God. The Serbian Orthodox church is ingrained in every aspect of the culture and government, and because the Orthodox church considers evangelicals to be a sect, the members of this church told us that they are not even considered Serbian anymore. The pastor does not get paid to run the church, so he runs a store as a day job. The few young people in the church told us that they only know a few other people their age who follow Jesus, and so we are trying to breathe life into their community. On a normal day of ministry, we spend our mornings in our apartment worshipping and spending time with the Lord, and then venture out into the city for a full day of evangelizing to the people we meet and encouraging the current members of the church.
Everyone says that New York is the city that never sleeps, but I think that title should be given to Pozarevac. This city closes the streets every night and people will be out wandering around well into the early morning hours even on weeknights. I love the culture of grabbing ice-cream or a drink with friends and just sitting at a café for hours talking. This city has the potential for great community, but there is a darkness that hangs over it without God. The pastor at the church shared with us that unemployment, alcoholism, and sex-trafficking plague this country, and through our other new friends we have heard heavy stories of death, financial struggles, and hatred between countries and people groups. We know that there is no way for us to change this place in the short month we are here— only God is the one who can do that (1 Corinthians 3:7: So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow). So we are just praying for opportunities to bless these people, to share truth, and to plant seeds that may not produce fruit until years after we have left. God has so clearly shown me how little seeds from my past have pointed to following Him on this crazy journey, and I am humbled to be in a place where my full-time job is to plant seeds for others that may impact their future relationship with the Lord.
I would like to ask you to join my team in prayer for the following things:
- For Pozarevac, Serbia. Please pray for softened hearts and revival.
- For the local church. Please pray for strength and growth for the church community, and for finances for an official church space. They have been raising funds for several years to try to get a real church space in Pozarevac, but the small congregation and the economic struggles of the community have prevented them from moving forward with these plans.
- For my squad. We have 6 teams in various cities throughout Serbia, each encountering various spiritual battles.
- For Team Centurion. Please pray for rest and rejuvenation from the Holy Spirit as we feel worn down from pouring out. Please also pray for unity and vulnerability amongst us as we are learning how to love each other well and serve each other on a daily basis. Finally, please pray for generous hearts who feel called to financially support my teammates as they approach their next fundraising deadline on September 30*.
- For me. Please pray for direction from the Holy Spirit. I think sometimes amidst adjusting to this new environment I feel like I can’t find the stillness to hear His voice—please pray that He would speak so clearly even amidst all of the other things running through my mind.
Thank you all so much for your prayers!
*To support my team, please visit the profiles of Catie, Jon, Faith, Morgan, Patricia, and Zach. You can read about their stories, and click the “Donate!” button at the top of their individual pages to make a contribution. If you donate through my page, donations go to a general Adventures in Missions fund not related to my team.
