Goodbyes are hard. The name suggests that they are the opposite. Goodbyes are final in my book. Saying goodbye to my grandparents and Uncle Kenrick never happened before it was too late. Goodbyes are harder for me, and I often skip goodbyes and say ‘see you later’. But those ‘see you laters’ never had to last longer than a couple months. Tops. But when I hugged my mom for the first time in the airport leaving, I couldn’t help but cry. This is the last time I get to hug my mom, my best friend, the person who I could talk to everyday. I didn’t want to leave, I didn’t want to say goodbye or ‘see you later’ to her, my dad, or my little brother Eli. I began thinking why am I doing this? Why am I putting my parents in such a state of worry, over me?
I realized why. God told me goodbyes are good. I’m saying see you later to my family and friends for a year. But more importantly I’m saying goodbye to my old self.
I’m saying goodbye to the old Molly. The low self-esteem Molly, Molly the unsure one, Molly the shy one, and the Molly who trusts in herself more than God.
You see, goodbyes have taken a different light. Now, I wish I listened to God faster about this, and save me from the blubbering mess I was in my tears in St. Louis, flying over the Atlantic Ocean, and Istanbul. People wouldn’t have stared quite so hard if I wasn’t constantly tearing up at awkward moments.
God is taking me on an amazing journey, one that I can’t even fathom.
God is in control.
Not the thought of failure when I was applying for the Race. Not the voice saying I shouldn’t walk on the plane because I’d miss my family too much. And definitely not the Satan who told me I wasn’t worthy of all that was provided for me, and that I wasn’t worthy of anything.
God is in control. God has my back. Along with my front, side, inside, outside. Gods got me.
So goodbye Molly, I have God’s plan now. This won’t be a see you later, this is goodbye!
