I am overwhelmed. I am hurting. I don’t understand why these things happen. I want answers. I want justice. I want to change things that can’t be change. Mainly, I want an explanation.
When I am feeling like this normally I take to my room, shut the world out, and sort out my own problems. That is not an option on the World Race. Privacy is a foreign concept. So here is how I cope. I share my feelings with everyone who is willing to listen. From one side of the coping spectrum to another, I guess.
I knew this month wouldn’t be easy. Working to find Unsung Heroes has never given immediate results, you can’t see the instant impact, and you don’t get the instant gratification that you would at another ministry site. I still didn’t expect to get this discouraged, even though the work is tedious, the fruit of our labors are showing themselves are little to none.
I didn’t think this week would be that bad. I knew we were staying in the middle of the red light district, what I didn’t realize is how it would make me feel. The heartbreak I feel for the women trapped working here. The disgust and hatred I feel towards the men that purchase their services. The helplessness in wanting to do something, anything, and not knowing what.
I had no idea today would cause such desperation. In checking online today I had no idea the news I would receive. The unexpected death of a friend from home. The pull to be back in the states, mourning, grieving, and processing this loss. The lack of focus here. The lack of being present. Being torn in a hundred different directions.
This blog is not seeking advice. It is not fighting for attention. Instead, it is a way for me to process, share, and then, keep moving forward. I am only human, and even though I am following Gods calling, I am struggling, and that is ok. The struggle gives me room to grow. The hurt allows God to step in and show up in a big way.
Please keep me in your prayers. For comfort, for strength, and for openness to grow through these situations. Keep my team in your prayers. For faith, for perseverance, and for community. Keep my squad in your prayers. For funding as our next deadline comes up. And keep praying for each other. People are struggling and hurting daily. So give comfort, give love, and show grace. Because you never know what they are facing, what they have lost, or what they are struggling through.
Love well,
Molly Fae
