Please, don’t call be brave, because the truth is I am a coward. In moments where I am afraid, I flee. In moments where I am intimidated, I cower. When the opportunity presents it’s self for me to step up and take command, I fade into the background. So, please, do not call me brave.
Instead, call me obedient. In the moments where I flee, God calls me to turn around and face my fears. In moments where I cower, God holds my hand, and helps me confront my demons. In moments where I fade back, God stands by my side, instructs me where to go and whispers in my ear “good job little one.” If anything, it is an honor to be called obedient.
But sometimes, I am not obedient. One of my biggest sins is not fully focusing on Christ. Not always listening, not always obeying, and not living a life of worship to Him. I was challenged this week to ask myself “in what do I find my identity?” In trying to answer, my response was not automatically Christ. Upon realizing that I was disappointed in myself, why am I so caught up in myself that I identify myself with my height, my hair, my likes and dislikes, and my issues more so than my love of God? How selfish am I? When the only one who can truly dictate what makes me “me” is God. He makes me brave. He called me onto the missions field, He lead me to K squad, He placed me on my team, He placed my team in Nicaragua. Even before that, He lead my steps from the minute I began to take steps. He knows my heart and has since before I was even formed.
My struggle is finding my identity, and finding value in my identity. It gets tiring to constantly hear about how the media effects a persons perspective on themselves, but I know it has affected me. If not, why would I think that I am to tall, to heavy, not fit enough, not funny enough, not compassionate enough; why would I think the only good qualities about myself are my hair, and my wit. I am so much more than that. God makes beautiful things out of us, and by saying I am not “this, that, or the other thing” I am limiting how God can work in my life.
So please, don’t call me brave. I am terrified about what others think of me. I am terrified that I will not reach the standards set up for me. I am terrified that I will fail. I am just terrified. I am not brave. However, if I find my identity in Him, if I obey Him, and if I leave my fears behind, God will do work in me in ways I cannot even begin to imagine.
I just need to be open and ready, and God will make me brave.
