I’m sitting in my home church. Its Christmas Eve. Around me sit families, just like mine, eagerly awaiting what the days to come hold. These are the people are that have known me for all my life. They are my people. I feel at home here.
In front of me sits an old candle. It has dried wax caked around the side. The plastic cover shows it has proudly done its job to protect the hold evident by the thin layer of wax circles that dot its surface.
Its not a pretty candle but its the one that was I was given. I always secretly hope that the usher will hand me one of the few new candles and holders. The new candles have smooth sides and bright, clear plastic. They are bought to replace the ones like the one I have.
The candles are not the point though. The point is that at the end of this service, Christmas will arrive for me. The lights will go out, the music will start, and we will serenade the night. We will be angels over the flock by night, singing of a sweet, silent night by candle light.
Still, I can’t help but play with my old tired candle. Picking at the wax, I try to listen to the sermon and not focus on the coming days. This candle seems to represent my fears for the coming weeks. There is so much to do. I want to spend time with my family and friends. I need to go shopping. I need to pack. The thoughts seem to roll down and collect at my sides like my old tired candle.
I know that in a few weeks, days really, that my life will be completely different. Pretty much as different as it can get. Different country, different church, different family will physically surrounding me. My eyes are like the plastic cover right now. I see through a veil of fear and discomfort like the wax coating it distorts the light.
Its now time for my favorite part of christmas. I look at my old candle and decide that it will do.
My dad leans over and whispers in my ear. “Here, take mine.” In his hands, is a bright shining candle. Never been lit, cover so clean you could drink out of it. Its beautiful. I didn’t actually voice my dissatisfaction at my candle so I don’t know how my father knew. But its perfect.
We trade and the flame is passed down the line. It doesn’t seem like I deserve this new bright candle. I didn’t do anything except fidget with my own. I’m not the perfect daughter. But still my dad knew that its what I waited for and wanted.
As I prepare for Launch in just a couple short days, I feel like this story encompasses Launch for me. For so long, I picked at my old life, fidgeting with the edges. Its not where I wanted to be–tired, burnt out emotionally, seeing through a veil–but its where I was. I knew what lay ahead… And then there’s God and he’s holding this new life for me, whispering “here, take mine”.
Do you ever feel like this? Like there’s something you want but its just not what you have? Do you hope that someone out there hears the secret longing of your heart? I know I have. I encourage you to do what I couldn’t with my candle and voice your desires. Let God take hold and turn your dreams into a reality better than you could have imagined. It may take time. It may hurt. Or it will be as simple as trading your candle. Either way, I truly believe that God wants me to be able to live my dreams and its my hope that you reading this today can hope your heart and mind to the possibility of that idea in your life.
God has taken my life and turned it completely inside out and I could not be more excited. Although saying see you later to my friends and family has been incredibly hard, I am so ready to take this next step. Are you ready to journey with me? Here are something things that you can do:
- Pray for my squad (big group), team starling (small group) and I as we say our see you laters and come together for safe travel and peaceful transitions.
- Consider giving financially. To be fully funded, I have about $3,000 left. Being fully funded means that I will have the opportunity to be fully present and not have to raise funds while being in another country. If you have already contributed financially, go to the meet my team section, and meet the wonderful ladies I will spending the couple of months with. Consider giving to their cause as well.
- Share this page. Share it with someone who needs the message. Share it with someone interested in my journey. Share it.
And as always, thank you so much to everyone who reads and have given time and gifts. Thank you.
