I begin this blog with a heavy heart. A heart that has learned what its like to be kinda like Mr. Potato Head. Seriously hear me out on this one. I am not as crazy as I sound. My heart before I started serving was like a full, in the box Mr. Potato Head. Nothing super special just your average potato with mouth, eyes, legs, arms and sometimes it would bring out the occasional sunglasses just to be a little wild but nothing super out of the ordinary. Once I found missions work, that potato changed a little. At first not too much just a bump or a scratch here or there but over the years it has gotten more significant.
The first time I lost piece was in Guatemala. A little over 3 years ago, I left what I would consider Mr. Potato Heads shoe. I pick shoe because if you lose a shoe you can just put the other in the back of the closet while you wear a different pair. But when you see that lone shoe don’t you get a little sad? Don’t you miss a time when both shoes were together? That’s how I also remembered Guatemala. I missed it. I missed who I was in Guatemala. I missed the people. I missed the culture, food, beds, showers, I could go on and on. I always hoped I would go back and pick up that shoe and see Guatemala again.
A little over a year ago I lost another piece, this time in Nicaragua. In Nicaragua, I lost Mr. Potato Head’s glasses. In Nicaragua, I learned what beauty really looked like. I lost my Western glasses. I saw beauty in dirt roads. I saw beauty in women washing clothes on pillas carved into rocks. I found beauty in rice and beans. But best of all I found beauty in all of the people.
Now here I am finding my self back in Guatemala and in just a few short months I will be back in Nicaragua. I am pondering what to do. As for Nicaragua I will leave those glasses right there but what else? Lets go back to today in Guatemala. I see my one shoe everywhere. I see it in tortilla making with my new friends that cook my meals. In the cold shower that I still cant understand how to get warm. The question is do I grab that shoe and take it with me? Do I leave this month with that pair of shoes back together? Or do I leave another shoe here?
I wrote that part of this blog about a month ago, really not knowing the answer to any of it. But know I can say I at least know what I did in Guatemala. I left more of myself. I left not only the other shoe but one of my arms. Now yes I have more arms stored but an arm will forever stay in Guatemala. In one month I think that I gave more hugs than I have given my whole life. I gave it all last month and loved soooo hard.
I can also proudly say that I am in love. I am in love with everything that Guatemala is. It’s not perfect but isn’t that what true love is. Loving the imperfect with all of your heart. When I would walk the streets of Antigua, I was overwhelmed by beautiful buildings, coffee shops on every corner and a reminder. A reminder that Antigua is the place that built me. I knew from the second I set foot in Antigua 3 years ago that I would be back. I wasn’t sure when but I knew I would. 3 years ago is when I fell in love with Central America. 3 years ago is when I fell in love with the people, the colorful fabrics, the chicken buses and everything else.
When I would walk the streets of Xjenaco, there was something about it that was right. That is not to say that there weren’t struggles there or that it wasn’t a dark place but walking into Germans house I can proudly say I felt apart of something. I felt like family. My name was on the fridge with every other family member. When I would “help” cook, we would talk about back home and it just felt right. I fell in love with Xjenaco and the people that stole my heart. When we would go into the villages, I fell head over heals yet again. I loved the dirty children. I loved the hunched over widows who could only speak Katchical. I loved Santa Maria, San Antionio and Ayapan.
I will be heading back to Nicaragua in just 2 short weeks. To say I am excited would be an understatement. I wish I were nervous because I know that I will be leaving more of my heart there. I wish I were nervous that I am going to run out of pieces to leave. But instead I am ready and prepared.
Lets go back to this analogy. Mr. Potato head. I know what you are thinking, “Mollie, you are going to run out of your stored pieces soon. Then what are you going to do?” You know that was a concern of mine. How can I have my heart broken time and time again for 11 months? If I harden my heart and don’t love people as well then I won’t have to leave any more of my pieces? Si pero no. Yes but no. Instead, I want my parents to pick me up after the 11 months to see a battered Mollie. A girl that’s hair is outta wack and she has a few more gray hairs and wrinkles then before. A girl who’s eyes maybe sunken but they hold something else. They hold a sparkle of a girl who gave it all she had. She had her heart broken and left across the world. She has a sparkle that shows she loved as hard as she could and tried to love just like Jesus did.
So here is my promise. I promise to love hard and leave my heart across this world. I promise that every I will try to love like Jesus did and if I feel like I just cannot do it anymore I will pray to be able to love harder. I promise to have my heart broken time and time again.
So cheers to 11 months of love. 11 months of ministry. 11 months of hard days. 11 months of crazy days. 11 months of happy days. 11 months of loving as hard as I can.
Guatemala, I am so in love with you and I want to scream it from the mountaintops!
