Ministry this month has been hard. Not because the streets of Carrefour are a crumbled mess and people live in conditions no one should ever live in. Nor is it because our laptops were stolen while we “safely” slept, or the fact that we can barely even communicate with the children here let alone the adults. No. While all this is hard, the hardest part is that most of our days are spent sitting around doing nothing.
Our official ministry consists of working with another team, taking turns preaching in two different churches, doing a little construction, teaching some english, and putting on VBS. The rest of our days are spent trying to pass the endless stretches of 6 or so hours, each day, of nothingness.
As if that isn’t enough to border on insanity, what could be peaceful is filled with endless wrestling with questions like:
“God, why have brought me to Haiti?,”
“What do you want?,
”Why did you bring me here to just have me sit around for 6 hours a day?”
You can only play so much solitaire, nap, read, listen to music, watch movies, pray, etc before you begin to lose your mind.
One day I think I hear the Lord say Pray, the next I hear peace. The next I hear nothing but my thoughts bouncing around my heard.
I can’t help but wonder to God:
“I know you are teaching me things but do I really need to sit for 6 hours. I feel useless. We’ve been here for 2 weeks and have 2 weeks left and there is honestly nothing I can point to and say ‘this is what the Lord is doing through me in Haiti’ Am I missing something God?”
“Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8
The only thing I can cling to at this point is the fact that God is sovereign. That He is in control and knows what He is doing. And as if to remind me of that point, He drops this bomb in my lap…
“Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10
“Whoa! Gird your loins Moe! Please don’t forget that I am God and I WILL be known. My Kingdom WILL come and My will WILL be done. That’s a promise. If I have you sitting still for 24 hours a day this month, my kingdom is in no danger of not being built.”
Yea….who am I to think that because I’m sitting still for however many hours that His kingdom is not still being built.
“Now faith is the assurance of this hoped for, the conviction of things no seen.” Hebrews 11:1
I won’t pretend that I can see or understand the purpose the Lord has me sitting still but I do know He is faithful. Though I may sometimes feel like a bump on a log, I know He’s not about to go back on His promises just because of how I feel.
Thank you God that you are God.
UPDATE: Since writing this blog, I have been much calmer about where the Lord has me and my eyes have been open more to what God is doing around me. 🙂
