…So I sit here facing my biggest fear about signing up for the World Race.
The fear that I would prepare and wholeheartedly dive in only to find out that I couldn't go.
Failure, suffering, disappointment,
difficulty…
…all these things create in me the ability to be faithful and devoted to something for a long period of time, to become more of the person God intended me to be, and finally to hope.
Is there a such thing as a proven hope? (That's a question for another day)
I have purchased a lot of my gear
Booked my plane ticket to Training Camp.
Told almost everyone I know about this awesome adventure.
Sent out letters.
Gotten SEVERAL immunizations
While doing those things,
I've prayed
Considered the "what ifs?"
Partially melted down
Thought of the disappointment of not going
I'm preparing to hear the "I told you so" from my dad…lol 
I have been afraid to hope.
etc, etc, and the list goes on.
It's an interesting place to be, not having an inkling of what my future looks like or even having a hint of the plan God has for me but even in what feels like His silence I still have this feeling of peace in the outcome.
Commitment.
Its hard to commit to something, with everything I have, when the potential for failure is tagging along behind it.
When I consider all that has happened I think of this particular verse in Romans:
"More than that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame,…" 5:3-5
Now this verse is somewhat out of context but it does bring a little light to the situation.
Failure, suffering, disappointment, difficulty…
…all these things create in me the ability to be faithful and devoted to something for a long period of time, to become more of the person God intended me to be, and finally to hope.
When I see God scraping off all the gross impurities of my person it really does produce hope in who He says He is and what He says He can and will do.
After all this, the idea of having shame in this hope doesn't really come to mind anymore. There is actual rejoicing in having seen all that has brought me to this hope.
I'm very much a "see it to believe it" kind of person so when I look at this verse I see a logical reason as to why hope does not put us to shame.
Is there a such thing as a proven hope? (That's a question for another day)
"So Moe, what does that mean for your trip?"
Well It means I don't know. I really don't have a clue. I have no more clearer answer now than I did before I learned all this. lol
I guess it means if what I need is provided then I'll have more opportunities to trust God for the rest of the deadlines for this trip. If it's not then I just have more opportunities to trust God with what's going to happen in the fall. 🙂
