‘Love Me Like You Love Felix’

Lessons From a Street Dog

-Meet Felix-

 

This week we are having debrief where my World Race squad is renting out a fantastic hostel in Granada, Nicaragua. It has been a week of getting closer as a squad and meeting with our leaders to grow inwardly as a group so that we can better serve outwardly to others. The past few nights we had some time to share things with the group that we have personal struggles with. The first two nights I sat in the corner feeling guilty and disconnected because I could not think of anything 'good enough' to share. The third night I went to dinner with several people and in the back of my mind I was thinking 'I don't want to go to session tonight.. I have nothing to say and people just keep urging me to share.." While walking to the restaurant, the same street dog who I affectionately named Felix a few days ago showed up at my feet again.. looking at me with his big dark eyes just searching for love more than anything I have ever seen before. He stayed at our feet the entire meal and then followed me on the long walk back to our hostel. On the walk back he would run ahead a little and turn around playfully wanting me to run and catch up. I would start running and get a little ahead of him and he would jump, run, and shake his head as if it was the happiest he had ever been. I felt goofy.. like a 7 year old playing with a new puppy on Christmas morning, but I was enjoying every second of it! We got back to the hostel and as I prepared myself to shut the gate on him and leave him outside, he forcefully snuck through my teammates legs and into the courtyard leaping with joy that he had made it inside. We all laughed and I sat down in one of the patio chairs to see what he was going to do. Several people starting trying to coax him outside and he would roll over to his back refusing to walk in the direction of the door. When someone started to get a little more forceful, he immediately turned and ran to me trying to climb into my lap, begging me not to let go of him. I told my friends that they were going to have to put him out while I wasn't in the room because I did not want to watch. They carried him out because it was time to start our session, but he again snuck in and decided to lay down in the corner of the meeting room. He was completely still and silent for the entire 2 hour session. Feeling the desire of love from him made it clear to me what I needed to speak about, and that it would impact my squad mates more than I had imagined.  Finally when all but three out of fifty people had shared, I felt it was my turn and finally stood up to share.. I have lived a blessed life with minimal struggles and I thank God for that. I am inspired, but also intimidated by those who have overcome their struggles and are much deeper and stronger because of it. With this intimidation comes my struggle to fully love my peers. I can love on children, dogs, and even adults with all my heart… but it is my own age group where intimidation causes me to hold back my love for them and not use my big heart to its fullest. Since training camp my squad has told me 'You have it all together' 'You're an amazing photographer' 'You're so good with children.' All of these compliments are great, and I am so glad that I can be some of those things.. but I shared with them that I want to be so much more to them than 'the girl who has it all together and takes good pictures'..but I haven't shown them that. I don't love on them like I love on Felix. I don't show them a childlike love and joy that I show to children and animals. At home I have a wonderful support system full of love, so I haven't had to seek out new true community in a long time. Coming into the world race, you meet over fifty STRANGERS who you dive into real and raw life with. I absolutely love this about the world race and I am already learning SO much from it. After sharing that with my squad last night, I have already seen the walls come down and people are so much more willing to approach and be open and to let me love them. Some have confessed that they were intimidated and want to get to know me more because of it. Others have shared that they felt a natural need to compete because my pictures are better, and now they don't feel the need to compete…but to get closer so that they can learn from me. I have been showing them love by acts of service in taking pictures of each of them, designing t-shirts for the squad, and giving whatever I have to offer. But I haven't been loving them like I love Felix… I showed him the slightest amount of attention on a street corner and he immediately began begging for more. He is dirty, he's been abused, neglected, unloved.. he is not the most physically attractive, he smells bad, and who knows what else he holds in his past…but still he seeks my love so intentionally. And it is so easy to show him the love that he needs. There are people in my life who also need this love.
I want to love Jesus the way I love Felix. I want to love people the way I love this dirty street dog.