Returning Home is a completely different for each Racer. Different personalities want and can handle different levels of stress. The thing to keep in mind is that returning home is more stressful than your Racer is expecting.
What happens when you land from the Race is information and emotional overload. Even though we dreamed of coming home and even though we are ready in a way to get away from these crazy people. The reality is that you are not ready for the emotions you feel when you land. Even though we go through a week of debrief, nothing prepares you for the moment of making it through customs in the States and having to go your separate ways. You are excited, scared, happy, sad, panicked and relieved all at the same time. You are SO happy to be home and see your family and friends, but at the same time, letting go of these people who truly know you better than anyone in the world is quite difficult. Some people are good at hiding or ignoring these emotions; others start falling apart in the airport.
So I talked to several other Racers and asked them to give me the range of emotions and what was good and bad about coming home. After talking with them, here’s my best advice.
Take it slow! Meet your kids at the second airport with just you and their siblings. This way, you don’t have to share them. You have missed them and they have missed you and you deserve to have time to enjoy having your family back together. If you have to work, try really hard to get off. If you can’t then have someone there. (Waiting makes you feel like you weren’t missed at all.) Also, if they ask for a friend to pick them up and not you….don’t take that too personal either. Some people just aren't emotionally ready to see their family yet and need a little time to honestly get their emotions in order so they won’t fall apart. It’s not that they love their friends more, it’s just our friends can handle our freak outs without getting too emotionally wrapped up in them.
Also, please keep in mind that your Racer has just traveled for several days. They may be awake, but trust me they are awake because of adrenaline. They are tired and dirty and more than likely a little smelly. Going out to a big dinner might be a little embarrassing. Now going through their favorite drive through is more than welcomed! When they get home. Let them decide what they want to do. Their sleep schedule is going to be completely off. Give them a day or two. They might find that they can’t handle a large group of people like they thought they could. Just imagine. What would it be like to have lived in poverty for a year; ate crazy food; been sick so much that feeling sick feels normal. Imagine seeing the worst of humanity and then coming back to the land of plenty. Then imagine walking into a huge room full of people where everyone wants to talk to you, to hug you, to ask you questions, but honestly don’t want to hear the real answers because the real answers are long, confusing and uncomfortable. You are still processing what has happened to you and trying to figure out what is next because life can never be the same. How do you express to others what you yourself don’t fully understand. It’s a lot of pressure.
At some point, whether they tell you or not your Racer will have a breakdown. Some people breakdown in solitude, some people breakdown in Wal-Mart. But the reality of what you saw and what you now live in comes crashing down on you. Don’t panic, they’re not crazy. They just don’t fit in this bubble anymore.
Be patient and loving and curious. Be happy to have them home, but don’t smother them. Some people bounce right back into life and will talk your ear off. Others will hold up in their room for a while and talk on Skype a lot. They will go through a grieving period as the reality sets in that they will not be able to talk to their squad-mates all the time. They will be on the phone and Facebook a lot trying to stay connected, but there is no way to stay as close as we were. Give them time, they will find a balance. They are also finding out that they don’t necessarily fit in with their old friends anymore. They are just different. It’s not wrong, just different. Patience is the key. Stay calm when they try to give you feedback, it’s normal for them now and honestly a way of showing you greater love and respect. Be patient if they talk about certain people all the time. Don’t worry if they sit on the floor a lot or want to throw half their possessions away. It’ll be ok.
Finally, pray with them. Maybe not every day, but sit down with them and ask them if you can help them pray about any of the ministries or children or people that changed their lives. Ask them how you can pray for them and be honest with how you are doing in this process too. They love you….they really do.
