As I posted earlier, India has been a challenging month in some aspects. These people come up to us from all of these places and ask for prayer. They want to be healed and they want to see miracles happen. Now, I firmly believe that Jesus can heal in an instant, raise people from death to life, make the blind see and the deaf hear. I would love nothing more than to report that I have seen these things happen for these precious brothers and sisters here in India- but I haven’t.
All of these places, all of these people- there is always, always something going on. But Jesus has taken sometime this month to really get me away from it all, to romance my soul. You see, He knows I’m an introvert at heart and get over stimulated oh so easily. So this month- while I’ve been praying for healing here, in the down time I’ve found- He’s been healing me.
He’s been healing me from insecurity.
He’s been healing me from shame.
He’s been healing me from doubt.
He’s been teaching me to love myself as a child of God, as His beloved.
I don’t want this to turn into another “Eat, Pray, Love”, Elizabeth Gilbert kind of story- but really. I’ve learned this month what it looks like to be authentic. To find freedom in being me. It’s okay that I’m quiet at times, that I don’t always have the right words to say. It’s just fine that I love to laugh as much as I breathe, or that I am just a big kid at heart. It’s not a big deal that I love to watch cartoons and am a music junkie at heart. It’s just fine that I’ve had some pretty big set backs and messed up in some pretty big ways. It’s okay that my story isn’t all pretty and that some days my heart is a little messy. Because Jesus isn’t asking me to be like everyone else- He’s just asking me to be the kind of beautiful He created me to be. And friends, that isn’t found in this world, and it doesn’t look like anyone else’s beautiful either. All of these things, the qwerks and silliness, messiness and mishaps- He sees it all as beautiful, because He see’s me as His- and let me just tell you, there’s a lot of confidence to be found in that.
So for the first time in a long time– I’m letting go. I’m dancing and singing this freedom song. I am saying what needs to be said and loving life despite the things it throws my way. I’m rejoicing in the fact that I am His child and that’s all I’ll ever need to be. I’m so over second guessing myself and over analyzing what’s simply just meant to be.
I am becoming the living love letter He is creating in me.
So I just have to ask, what do you need to loosen your grip on? What area of your life is Jesus seeking to heal? Even if it’s in the deep dark crevasses, even if it’s shameful, even if it’s a place you never wanted to go- go there. Jesus is waiting to give you freedom. He wants to lift that load you’ve been carrying far too long.
He wants you to be free.
He wants you to be your own kind of beautiful.
“Because beautiful is loud footsteps and knowing the weight of your own footsteps, not your torso. Beautiful is knowing you came here to make a good ruckus. Beautiful is being your own kind of contagious joy that makes others fight for that freedom you have found.”
