My thoughts lately have been a lot about what am I going
to do when I go home? As I sat down and
read many bible verses on feeding the poor and as I have just started reading
the book Wrecked- I know one thing for sure- I can’t go back to who I was. I can’t go back to a life of comfort and living
for myself. That life brought me nothing
but emptiness and loneliness. My God
has wrecked me. At the beginning of the
race, it was hard finding safety in the places I was because I was still so Americanized. I was able to still remember what it was like to have a bed and
what it was like to just eat or drink anything I wanted. But I have now gotten to the point on the
race where I can’t even remember what it was like to have those things. I can’t remember what it was like to go to
Starbucks every day and do my devotions with my best friend Morgan. I can’t remember what it was like to go to
my brother’s football games. I can’t
remember what it was like to sit down and to do bible studies with my spiritual
mom. It all seems so foreign to
me. It’s not that I don’t miss them-
but I can’t remember them or fathem them.
But
now, the race has become my home and my squad-mates have become my family. I don’t know if I can go back. I can’t go back. The Lord has changed me so much, that I don’t even know who I
am. I KNOW that I am no longer a
doormat for people to walk all over me.
I know that the Lord has given me a VOICE and that I need to use
it. When I was called up into
leadership, the Lord showed me my voice as a DIRECT and BOLD woman. He has taught me how to speak life into
people- constructive and encouraging. I
know that I have a purpose and a high calling on my life. I know that I want to live life and live
life to the fullest. I know that I can
do anything that I set my mind to, which was not the case before the race. But having that mind set, I am now able to
fully and confidently follow the complete will of God and do whatever he calls
me to do.
This is why I went on the word race. I knew I needed to step out of my comfort
zone and that I needed to become less, and others around me needed to become
more. There is a world suffering and I
knew I wanted my world to be wrecked. I
wanted it to be turned upside down. I
have no idea what my life is going to look like at home, but it can’t and it
won’t look like it did before the race.
I can’t go back to being self centered and living in comfort. God didn’t call me out of those things to
put me right back into it. I will go
home changed. I will go home knowing
I was created for something bigger and better!
