My whole life I always have found my self getting addicted to things that I think define me. Things like athlitics, work, and even people. I have always put these things before God and always want more. Never feeling satisfied. Always feeling alone.
In January, I started not feeling right about my life. I knew that some how- I became really selfish. And I knew in my heart their was more to this life- then working a 9 to 5 job everyday and coming home and watching tv. I know that Jesus' death on the cross had to be for more then just that. I knew I was wasting my life.
I knew I had to get my mind off myself and to start serving again. He started putting missions on my mind. And i looked into it once or twice and pushed it aside, because I didn't have the money and I wasn't going to raise support. So, I pushed it aside and ignored it.
In May I went Hiking with my best friend Morgan. We were just walking along and she said, Miss- i have the perfect missions trip for us! I said, oh yeah! What is it?? and she said, well it's for 11 months and you go to 11 countries. It's called the World Race.
My first reaction was- I can't leave work. So i shut her off. Well- i can shut Morgan out! But you can't shut God out! And God wouldn't let it out of my head. So- annoyed. I decided to check it out. I spent HOURS reading the website and watched every video. So I decided to fill out the application.
A week later i had an interview and a week after the interview I was excepted. I was told I had two weeks to except and to pray about it and see if this is what I feel the Lord is calling me to. Then you pay $150 to show that you are serios about going. So my plan was to take the two weeks and do just that…
I knew in my heart that I needed to get away and to be alone with God. So when I got off wotrk, I went to my favotire hiking trail and looked for a spot, where I would not be bothered. I found the prefect place. Threw down my blanket and my book bag and started praying.
I was pretty much telling God the whole time I didn't want to go. I was telling him I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to give up my life here. My spirit wanted it. But my humanness did not. So- i sat their on my prayer rock, crying and crying and crying some more. And then would journal some and then cry again. After a few hours- I picked up my book forgotten God and I believe the Lord spoke to me, through Francis Chan.
Francis said, (pg 90) Everyone is called to be led by Him. I honestly believe that most us – while we might want to be led by the spirit- are actually scared of this reality. I know I am. What would it mean? What if he asks you to give up something you're aren't ready to give up? What if He leds you were you don't want to go? What if he tells you to change jobs? To move? Are you ready to surrender to him, no matter where he wants to take you? Am I?
THE FACT IS THAT GOD IS CALLING. THE SPIRIT IS BECKONING!
WOW!!!!! REALLY GOD!!!!! OKAY- well lets go! But i still don't want to put my money in. I still had 13 days. So I went home and went to bed. And the Lord wouldn't let me sleep. I was getting mad becasue I had to work at 4:30 in the morning. And it was 2am. So, i decided to listen and got out of bed and paid my $150 and went back to bed and fell asleep right away!
Before training camp I was still fighting God about going. And He had to drag me to Training camp- kicking and screaming! And I thank Him for doing that. Because, It's exactly what i needed. I LOVE my squad. I love my leaders. He broke me and then He pieced me back together. My heart is renewed. I have a joy in me that I haven't had for years! Thanks to the never ending love of Jesus. He knew what was best for me.
He knows my future. He knows all about me and He wants better for me. He died so that we could have LIFE and have it to the FULL! For me, this is what God is calling me to do. I'm excited he has chosen me to take his message around the world! I'm glad He still loves me and still wants to use me after how stubborn I was. Soooooooooooo what about you? What are you afraid togive up?? because the truth is…
GOD IS CALLING YOU! YOUR SPIRIT IS BECKONING! WILL YOU GO?
