I had an epiphany of sorts this morning. Or maybe it would be better to term it as a rewind. First a little back story.
When I first began this journey almost 7 months ago in El Salvador, God sling-shotted me out of my little world and into his. Everything about the place was new to me – a new country, new food, new bed, new friends, and a new “job” called ministry. A whole new life. And a whole new experience with this faith we call Christianity. I began to discover what it meant to follow Jesus in the way the disciples did, to live the way that Jesus intended us – commanded us – to. Living in community, a foreign idea to me, became the norm and eventually something I came to crave. I learned how discussing “the feels”, the hurts, and the joys in life are things necessary for growth (and can be enjoyable conversations if you let them). Sharing food, space, and life transformed from something I had to do into something I wanted to do.
All the change and newness made it easy for me to change the way I looked at God and try a new way of relating to Jesus. It made it easier to dive in head first, to wade through the uncomfortable to find the joy on the other side. I made friends with strangers. I prayed for the homeless on the street. I went door to door in poor neighborhoods and talked about Jesus. I shared about my life, my past, and my struggles with people I didn’t know. I acted on faith and lived without fear because I knew God would back me up.
Fast forward to now. Everything that was new and exciting has become ordinary and commonplace. Wake up. Try to read my bible a bit if there’s time. Maybe talk to God a bit if I remember to. Go to work. Come home. Eat. Take a shower. Maybe bs with the team a bit. Go to bed. I’ve reverted back to my old way of life before the race, just in a different place. The isolation and dullness in my life I felt before I left has crept its way back in.
But this morning there was revival in my heart. I sat in on the devotional of a short-term team as they discussed a few normal [to us], everyday things. Andrew from Ohio shared a word to his team to embrace the things that would happen during their week and to take advantage of the opportunities God gave them. He also shared a bit about walking in faith.
It hit me.
The stagnance, the boredom – I had stopped walking in faith. I had stopped living and listening to Jesus. I couldn’t remember the last time I had prayed for a stranger. I had quit trying to connect with my team. Comfort and security had taken the place of daring and spontaneity. Ministry had become my 9-5 job and my teammates were my co-workers.
As I was sharing with the short-term group a bit about what I’ve been experiencing on the race encouraging them to leave space for God to work, to follow the nudges from the Spirit, to dive into the uncomfort and the craziness, I was realizing it was exactly what I had stopped doing. I had cut myself of from my Holy Spirit high. I had quit living for Jesus, I quit doing the exact things I came on this trip to do. I quit living the life that Jesus called us to – a life of obedience, of living for him.
No more. I miss living on the edge. I miss diving into the uncomfortable. I miss chasing after God with out holding back. I miss hanging out with Jesus. I am going to speak to strangers. I am going to pray with the homeless guy on the street. I am going to give a smile, a word, a conversation to the lady on the bus with hopelessness in her eyes. I am going to make my team my family. I am going to follow God at only his word. I am going to do what I came here to do – to live with abandon. I am living for Jesus, and I am not going back.
P.S.
I’d like to thank all of you who have donated to me to help me meet my deadline – everyone helped get me a lot closer to my goal. I’ve got less than $2,000 left to go before I’m fully funded! If you would like to help me reach my end goal or learn more about donating to the World Race, please check out the Support Me! tab to the left or shoot me an email at
[email protected]. Or shoot me an email anyway to say hi – I like surprises.
