I have had my share of struggles during the first 2 weeks we have been in New Zealand. First is homesickness. I have been trying to run away from my little town in Shippensburg, Pennyslvania for the past 3 years. I had finally learned to be content…I had a good job, some new friends, and a perfect boyfriend. As soon as I was satisfied, God asked me to abandon my life, pack everything into one bag and travel the world doing missions for a year. Dont get me wrong, traveling the world has its perks…seeing new landscapes, experiencing new cultures, creating new relationships…but ABANDONMENT is a hard thing to do, especially if your life had just begun to FINALLY fall in place.
I haven been batteling homesickness as it hits me in tidal waves. Sometimes I do great, other times I’m an emotional disaster…depends on the day or hour you ask me. The thought of being away for 10 more months is sometimes to much to bear. I have been doing A LOT better due to a lot of prayer and support from my group members. Besides, how blessed am I that God chose ME to be his hands and feet in 11 differnt countries!!
Now about that hands and feet of God thing…that is another struggle of mine. Sometimes I feel like I am not as “gifted” as other christains. I’ve never healed anyone, I’m not good at sermons (or even praying out loud for that matter), I dont have a lot of experience in prophecy and I’ve never even led anyone to Christ. During the Soul Survivor festival our group was working at one of the sermons talked about ability Vs. Availability. Look at the people God used in the bible.
Noah was a drunk Isaiah preached naked
Abraham was too old Jonah ran from God
Isaac was a daydreamer Naomi was a widow
Jacob was a liar Job went bankrubt
Joseph was abused John the Babtist ate bugs
Moses had a stuttering problem Peter denied Christ
Gideon was afraid The disciples fell asleep while praying
Samson was a womanizer Martha worried about everything
Rahab was a prostitute Zacchaeus was too small
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young Paul was to religious
David was a murder and had an affair The samaritan woman divorced more than once
Elijah was suicidal Lazarus was dead
I realized “you know what, the same spirit that lived in Jesus Christ lives in ME and God can use me just as well as he can use anyone else.” It is not about our perceived ability but about our availibility to God. I have a calling and God WILL use me this year during the World Race. I will be part of the kingdom and a servant to God. I may not feel gifted but I AM and I know God will begin to reveal more to me as I continue this journey. It might not be an easy road and will be full of ups and downs but its the road God chose for me and I am willing to embrace that. I’m not going to look back but I”m going to look forward at what God has in store for me.
