As I got ready for my last day of ministry it occurred to me that I never really thought of the implications of the name of the ministry. Beacon of Hope. This amazing ministry started by Angie Wheeler gives teenage boys in Mozambique a place to change their lives. She takes in boys who have no structure in their home lives and gives them responsibilities and a chance to know God.
I had the privilege of getting to know the seven boys currently in the program better while interviewing them to write bios for the website. Only a couple live with their parents, but all had at least one sibling at home. Some of their mothers sell clothing in the street to provide for the family. Several don’t even know their father. One boy told me that when he lived with his grandmother he fought all the time and never went to school. When I asked them why they came to live at Beacon of Hope nearly every boy responded that they wanted to know God.
This place is a hard place to live. Boys who have never had rules are given a list of chores in exchange for Bible study and an education. Some boys drop out and some never really see their full potential. Nevertheless, Beacon of Hope is just that, a place of hope. A helping hand and opportunity to pick yourself up.
I’ve realized that Beacon of Hope has become a place of hope for me as well. This month has been trying in a few ways. I haven’t felt connected to my team. Working with teenage boys is definitely not my thing. I’ve been dealing with some lingering issues about myself from the past. Who am I? What do I bring to the table? Have I changed in good ways and if so are there things that still can be changed?
All the while, God has been speaking to me about my future. One day for team time, I had the team do listening prayer for each other. I passed out the papers and started listening for the name hidden beneath the fold. Here’s what I wrote:
Excitement – there’s great things in your future that will get your heart beating fast, relax in this moment of preparation for what I’m calling you to next.
Don’t panic! I’ve prepared you for this moment.
Seek my face in all things.
You are a woman of great beauty inside and out. I see you for who you truly are. I understand you because I made.
Rely on the women around you, I’ve placed each one in your life for a reason.
Thailand – you will see me in a brand new way, but it won’t be easy.
I’ve given you dreams that I know you will accomplish. Listen closely.
At this point in the time of prayer, a certain song started playing from my shuffle on my iPod. Throughout the entire Race, I’ve had a phrase from this song stuck in my head. My teammate, Kelly, believes that everyone has a song that represents their Race, or maybe two or three. I had found one recently, but knew the song that I kept singing in my head at random times from the beginning of it all was my true World Race song. However, since I could remember only one phrase, I could never find it among the nearly 4000 songs I brought with me. I had all but given up on stumbling across it. Suddenly, at the end of this listening prayer session, I realize it’s playing. I’ve found it! Or really, God’s sent it to me. But why now? Why in the middle of a prayer for someone else? So I put a little dotted line on my piece of paper and wrote this note to whomever I was praying for: “I don’t know what this means, but I’ve had a song stuck in my head for the last 6 months and I couldn’t find it on my iPod, it just came up on the shuffle. Let me know if you want to listen to it. – Miranda”
About halfway through this note, I began to realize that this prayer might be for me after all. My teammates were exchanging notes and no one was approaching me. Yep, there was my name under the fold. I just wrote a note to myself….
God has used this month to speak to me in new ways. Not only with this listening prayer for myself, but so many others. Every time, God has given me messages of hope. Hope for my future in so many ways. Hope for who I truly am instead of the distorted way I’ve come to see myself over the last 28 years. Hope that this team is where I am meant to be and not just a bump in the road.
Beacon of Hope has not just provided boys with hope, but me with hope. I came into this month a broken person. I was faced not just with my insecurities on this team, but also about who I am as a person. Last debrief put all the brokenness I have gathered on a table, and for the first time in a long time I saw myself clearly. The hope I’ve received this month has helped me to walk away from this table of brokenness and into a life where those things no longer matter.
I’ve always thought of hope as a cheesy word, but it was because I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t comprehend that the past didn’t matter. Many people have spoken into my life over the past 7 months and I can never thank them enough for giving me unending opportunities to choose hope over self-loathing. While I had made steps in past months to truly live in hope, it wasn’t until today that I realized I have fully accepted hope. Not every day will be easy, but my hope lies in God and so it can never disappear, even if I turn away for a minute. It will be there when I realize my mistake and turn my eyes back to God.
Do you have hope? You can.
