Month five of the Race is well under way. As we settle into our life at Kazembe Orphanage, I’ve had a lot of time to process the last four months. It’s amazing to me that much time has passed and at the same time that little time has passed. So much has changed in so little time.
Last debrief in the Dominican Republic, I had a hard time with so many people. I was overwhelmed by all the personalities and activities happening around me. I kept to myself a lot and didn’t go out very much. I believed then that I just wasn’t around when people made decisions. The truth was, I was avoiding having to face my squadmates. If I didn’t get to know them then they were never going to reject me. I was afraid that I didn’t actually belong on the squad or have any impact with my presence.
Three months and three countries later I was a different person. Our debrief in Antigua was a time for me to show my squadmates who I really was. I put myself out there. For the first time, my squadmates had the chance to actually get to know me. Part of that was because I finally stepped into the woman God has called me to be. One who speaks truth, not only to others, but to myself. One who walks in the Spirit and is not afraid to act on the Spirit’s leading. One who is confident in who God created me to be. This person rocked debrief instead of hiding in my room.
What I’ve come to understand about how I was living my life before was that I truly believed I never belonged. I would sit in classrooms and hear teachers exclaim praise over the whole class and never once thought I was included. Preachers would give advice on how to live a more godly life and I brushed it off as instruction for others. Team members would give feedback to the whole team and I would assume I had no part. Unless my name was included, I was not being addressed. I excluded myself from community life in my own thinking.
I no longer think this way. I am a part of the body of Christ and I am a part of this squad. When I started seeing myself this way, I started believing the encouragement my squadmates were giving me. I felt loved by them for the first time. And now, for the first time, I truly miss members of my squad who I don’t get to see for months at a time. More than just my former team members, who I think of often, I miss squad members with whom I had never had a connection before two weeks ago. I’ve allowed myself to become a part of this squad instead of sitting on the outside looking in.
I should also mention that we changed teams at debrief as well. Meet Team Audacity: Allison, Kendra, Alyssa, Beth, Kelly, and Jaimie Rae. We received our team assignments on a piece of paper and then were sent to spend time with God over the names. Here’s what I wrote about these ladies in my journal immediately after reading their names.
“There are so many fantastic qualities in these ladies that I will get to see grow over the next few months. Allison and Beth have so much strength and wisdom. Kelly and Jamie Rae are connected to the Spirit in ways I will never understand. Alyssa is one of the steadiest people I’ve ever met. Kendra is a spark in the night. This team has so much power!!!! There is steadiness and constant flow that leads straight to a waterfall. A powerful river with a free fall immeasurable. I keep seeing Victoria Falls. So much power and awe.”
These are falls on the farming property owned by the same couple as the orphanage.
Please visit their blogs and get to know these ladies that I will be serving with for the next few months. We could certainly use your prayers as we work on uniting together as a team. Also, not all of us, including myself, have met the next deadline of January 1st. Please be in prayer that God will be working in amazing ways to keep us on the Race.
