Oh how I’m broken, Lord. So broken.
I continue to search elsewhere for your love
Why? When will I learn that you’re enough? You whisper love into my heart but I don’t seem to listen.
Instead I run into the arms of a man that hardly knows my worth. A boy who knows nothing of love.
Once again I give my heart away to the same old person that has hurt me time and time again.
Ahh, Rejection, Welcome home my loyal friend!
You sit at my feet gnawing at my ankles laughing and shrieking “You aren’t loved!” The very words that seem to run through my veins like poison. When will I escape this prison?
I don’t want to run to old lovers anymore, God. I want to be in your arms but I’m afraid this venom that streams through my heart is keeping me from you. It always steals me away. It takes ahold over me and leads me astray.
It Leads me astray into the arms of a boy I once loved, thinking that this time It’ll be different, just maybe seeing him will fix it all but it doesn’t work out that way. It never will. I just end up with a gaping hole for a heart, and a tormented mind.
Rejection laughs at my foolishness. He laughs, while I come up gasping for air.
I don’t want it, I don’t want this, Take it away! I want you, Lord. Please hear my cry.
I’m enslaved to this poison.
I don’t want this pain I want to leave it at the cross but it always comes back it sneaks its way into my soul and the disease spreads like a wild fire eating at my heart, destroying every last bit of life in me.
Teach me how to run to you father for I cannot bear to run from you. It leaves me empty only having to pick up all the pieces of my broken heart all over again.
oh Lord, I am the woman at the well, crying out of thirst.
I am the woman standing in the middle of circle, fingers pointing and stones being thrown awaiting my death crying out for your rescue.
Here I am Lord, Your unfaithful bride!
I’ll be the woman walking up the aisle with the stained dress, tarnished heart, and tainted purity. My eyes will be red and swollen from the tears that I cry over the fragments of my heart I have lost to old love affairs. My head will be low from shame, my hair will be undone, makeup smeared, and my fingernails dirty. My feet calloused and bruised from all the running away I have done.
At this altar…
Instead of a boy, I find a king awaiting his queen. His eyes are gleaming with excitement for me.
He slowly lifts my chin and smiles while wiping the tears from my eyes, He kisses my cheek and whispers, “I’ve been waiting for you.”
He begins to cry and says to me “Do you love me?”
Nervous and scared I reply “Yes Lord of course. I’m sorry I wish I could have been more beautiful for you, my dress is stained, my heart is unclean and I am dirty.”
I can feel my heart racing, my mind remembering every sin, every kiss I gave away, every bit of heart I ever lost.
I want to run and just as I get ready to…
he reaches out opens a tiny box and says “I have the pieces to your heart. Let me love you and I will mend you back together.”
Father, I will be the woman washed clean by your grace. I will be made beautiful by your love.
At this altar.. rejection has no home!
