One day at the sweet age of 15, I fell in love.
Promised the perfect love and given so genuinely, I did what every naïve girl does. I threw it away. Four years later, I strayed from the love so graciously given to me. I sought love by the standards the world taunted me with.
My bridegroom knew I would stray before he even chose me. Years and years before he ever chased my cheating heart, he knew I would not be true to him. He gave me everything to sustain me, but I thought I needed more. I needed more that I thought he could never supply me.
And the man who called me his bride no longer felt like a lover but a master, telling me what to do and what not to do.
My perception drove me into a boy’s arms. Sweet nothings were whispered in my ear as a broken person broke me.
And I ran away into a slippery slope of reckless abandonment to a boy who would only dispose of me with each passing girl who glanced his way. He pushed my boundaries until I compromised myself into shame.
I justified that I never crossed the final line, but only as I crossed every line I thought I could explain away. I was tossed away; disregarded and unappreciated. Replaced by someone who might run across the line I teetered but never crossed.
Jaded and broken. My first love waited to return his love to me. And I noticed he never left me. My sweet love I found at 15 still sought my love as if I had not thrown him away. I had disregarded him as I had been disregarded as not worthy enough.
But he no longer felt like a distant ‘master’, but a loving bridegroom. He didn’t whisper sweet nothings, but promises full of redemption. I clung to every word he spoke. Truths pouring out and over me.
Cascading me in a love I couldn’t reject, yet was always fearful to fully accept.
I was an adulteress made into a bride. My youthful singing and dancing restored. Cleansed pure as snow.
I wore my white dress as I ran down the aisle fully surrendered to a love that could never be replaced by anyone.
My story is no different than Gomer being loved by Hosea. No different than God loving Israel.
My story is Jesus and Miranda. Proposed to on a cross. A love so unconditional, it must be a fairy tale.
Yet it’s not.
“I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
In love and compassion.
I will betroth you in faithfulness,
And you will acknowledge the Lord.”
Hosea 2:19-20
