"I see you like Nehemiah. You're building a wall, but a good wall. And you've been placing bricks, but all of a sudden you are second-guessing everything. You're looking around to seek approval. You place a brick and then start to take it back down."
This is a vision that one of my squad leaders spoke over me, before I started to share about my last two months. However, this is exactly how I felt. I didn't know why though. Tears welled in my eyes as I searched for the answer.
Why was I second-guessing myself? I do it all the time. When I was asked to step down from leadership, I feared rejection. In elementary school I was rejected by my friends, being BFFs one day and hated the next. In high school, being told I couldn't go into a gas station because of my last name. I was rejected.
And I ached because the rejection felt so heavy. When another squad leader spoke up about King Saul. The Lord pulled everything together. King Saul was a great man. A great man who descended from a terrible tribe. A tribe that the world wanted to wipe out, that the world said was terrible and worthless. But God saw great things in Saul. However, Saul only saw himself through his own eyes and the world's eyes, so he compared himself and lived in fear of man.
I was like Saul.
But I'm done!
I know my value and I know it doesn't stem from my own view of myself or the world's view. I will become like David. Flawless in God's eyes because I am obedient and I follow The Lord fearlessly.
That wall I am building is my identity in Christ. And I don't need to look around me to see where I should lay the next brick. I need to listen to the voice of The Lord. He will tell me where to put each brick and if the world doesn't like it they can lump it.
Dagnabbit. I don't live in fear of man. I only fear The Lord.
My identity is in The Lord alone!
And not only that but I am rebuilding the walls of my family. I am breaking generational ties. I am bringing freedom by my obedience. And I am not turning back. Future generations will be changed and past generations will be redeemed.
And satan get out of my way cause nothing is going to stop me and my God from bringing Kingdom!
