Expectations are something you do not know you have until they are not met.
At training camp they warned us not to have expectations, which is much easier said then done. So, as most good advice I receive, I took it straight to my heart. However, I only applied it to expectations of what the race would be and not having expectations about what my surroundings would look like.
Then one night expectations punched me in the gut. After two weeks of being at Living Hope, the three teams here noticed a spirit of annoyance and irritation fighting for our submission. Our teams left the church picking up our swords to do battle against this spirit. Within our teams, we fought and rebuked the spirits that were not of The Lord. After around two hours of revelations and breakthroughs in our respective teams, we returned to the church to pray over the building. Our squad leaders, current and future, were all waiting for us; waiting to see us walk into the greatness of the breakthroughs we had just had.
However, we all held expectations. And no one was meeting them.
I believe that I had the expectations that the squad leaders should be perfect. I believe that the squad leaders had an expectation that the removal of the spirit would look a certain way. And offenses were made.
We all left that night feeling crunchy. (Crunchy = discomfort in our spirit, usually a crunchiness in our tum-tums)
.
So God began to use this experience to show me my unhealthy expectations and He didn't stop there.
My father was recently released from prison. I had a grand expectation in my mind that we would Skype, talking about my past five years. Talk about how I had grown into the Godly woman that I am. Laugh about the silly moments we weren't able to share. Cry over the broken moments. Redemption in our relationship would happen right there, even with an ocean keeping us apart. I had an expectation that my life would show up like a movie, as silly as that seems.
Instead the call was choppy and conversation felt forced. I didn't get to video call as they were in the car driving. We talked, but it felt so superficial. And I walked away from the call disappointed.
And in that moment I realized expectations were still something I let dictate my attitude. And I refuse to anymore.
In both situations I allowed my attitude about the situation to be affected by the disappointment. I viewed the night in the church as a disappointment and awkward situation, instead of the victory of The Lord over the spirit of irritation and annoyance. I viewed the conversation with my father as superficial and disappointing, instead of the victory of The Lord beginning to redeem a relationship between a daughter and her dad.
So instead of reacting to my expectations (for they will come unknowingly); I will cling to the promises of The Lord. Promises that Jesus loves me enough to make each moment work together for my good.
And I'm excited to see how God works in ways I never could have imagined Him to show up in.
"And We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." {Romans 8:28}
P.S. Speaking of expectations. If you expected me to go to Bulgaria on the race, well God changes plans in our lives sometimes. So Ohana Lokahi (my new team) is now going to Moldova instead next month. Yippee!
