The name my parents gave me is Miles Clayton Tiegs.
There is a lot of power in a name. It means whatever you make it to mean. I like my name. I’ve always liked it. I’ve tried very hard to protect it, and to build it’s reputation. I’ve never wanted it to be looked down on, or to be associated with bad things. I’ve tried very hard to control what people think when they hear my name. I’ve tried to control peoples access to my name. I’ve tried to control who can know what’s behind it and who can be influenced by it.
The cry of my heart is to know my heavenly Father. That is the only driving force behind what I do. Recently I was asking God to reveal to me what things in my life stood in the way of that. He answered, “The Fear of being Known”. I didn’t understand what that meant at first. There was a point in my life where I had a fear of being known by Him, but I surrendered that and now that’s all I want. But what I came to realize is that I didn’t have a fear of being known By Him, I had a fear of being known As Him.
I have always struggled to let people into my life, and know what I’m really thinking. That struggle was based around a fear that I would not be able to control what they thought of me once they knew me. This hurts……….. I can feel myself dieing as I write this. To lay my life open and bare before the world means the end of me. There is nothing more I can call my own. What I did have was dirty. I had to control what people thought because if they knew the depths of me they would be repulsed. My heart is desperately wicked.
The only good that has ever been in me is found in Christ. Without him the stench of my life would peel your skin off. He is the only life there is. He is the only reason I have to live. This is me Identifying myself with him. And I don’t care who knows it……………… MT
