This has been a very strange month for me personally. I feel
like it’s been a month of questioning things in my life that I have just taken
for granted. Or did just because everyone else did. Or believed just because
everyone else believed. I feel like it’s more of an Identity thing. Why do I do
the things I do? Who am I now? Who am I if everything but my life is taken from
me? Who and what am I when I don’t have “what I do” to define myself.
This year has been extremely busy for my team and I. Every
day there is something going on. Well this month we came to Gordon’s Bay not
knowing what God had in store for us. So when we started to pray and ask what
he wanted us to do, the answer was be still. The verse comes to mind “Be still
and know that I am God”. All right that sounds easy enough. WRONG! About three
days into it I started to have Identity crisis. We were making good use of our
time, spending time together, reading the word, and just having quiet time. But
then every time we would meet someone, it was the usual “yeah were traveling
around the world doing missions”. And then there like “cool” “what are you
doing here in Gordon’s bay?” And then I’m like “Ahhhhhhh”. It was hard for me
to tell them that we are not really “doing” anything. I started to realize that
I’ve always placed my Identity in the things I do. Before it was school, then
my job, and now this.
of which I’m not going to list. But this verse Mathew 10:39 has been speaking
to me thru it all ” Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his
life for my sake will find it”. And in this case if you replace the words
“life” with “Identity” it becomes even more powerful. I was sharing some of
this with a friend that I met here, and he brought up the passage in
Philippians 3. Now that is what I’m going to leave you with. Paul was writing
about his life and the things he has done, and then he says ” But whatever was
to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I
consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing
Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things”. And that’s what
it all comes down to, “knowing Christ”.
