My initial plan for this blog was for it to be surface level. It was would have said something like this
“ I’m here in Guatemala. It is beautiful here in Quiche’. I am working with a man by the name of Pastor Arnold. My team and one other team are working together to build a conference center for Pastor Arnold’s church.”
I was going to write this blog and say:
“The people are beautiful. The children are my favorite.”
I was going to write this blog and say:
“I wish I spoke more Spanish. The natives laugh at us, because we don’t know what we are talking about. I cant even order chicken and fries correctly.
Pollo y papas fritas!”
Instead I decided to take another route. The one less traveled by. One that scares the living day lights out of me. I decided to write about some real and raw truths. I decided to share my darkest secrets. I was inspired by a secrets night that we had here with my entire squad last week. I shared with my squad a few things I’ve never told people before. This is my secret.
“When I was in high school I struggled a lot with feeling lonely. I longed for love. I wanted somebody anybody to express love for me. Guys took an interest in me. It mostly because of my body. I figured if I could get a guy to like me I was doing good. If he wanted to have sex with me that meant he loved me so I was doing even better. I felt like I could never get it right, so I kept trying and trying. I slept around with quite a few guys in high school. In 2009 I started having a relationship with The Lord. I started to walk with Him. It was then when I found my worth. I knew that The Lord valued me. And that The Lord called me worthy. I decided that I would no longer find my worth in men. I wanted to become clean. I wanted to save myself for my husband. I wish that I could say that the desire for sex went away. It was like I was enslaved to the act. I knew that I wasn’t going to have sex with another man, unless he was my husband. So I resorted to porn and masturbation. That has been y struggle up until about a month ago.”
I thought that saying that in front of my squad was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. Writing a blog about it tops that. Everyone that I know is reading this. I was so ashamed to write it. But I believe there is freedom in my testimony. Every time I tell that I feel more and more free. I was afraid when I shared it with my squad that I would be judged. Oh boy was I wrong. What a work the Lord did in my squad that night. So many confessions happened after I mustered up the guts to be open about my struggles.
The Lord spoke to me that night. Girls who struggle with sex, porn and masturbation is not often talked about. The Lord told me that I was not alone. So let this be an encouragement. If you are one of those girls, the Lord wants you to be free. I want you to be free. I know that you want to be free.
“There is power, in the name of Jesus. To break every chain.”
It’s time to break those chains. Get your FREEDOM!!
Also If you are still reading. If I didn’t lose you yet keep me prayed up. I haven’t been feeling well this week. I’ve been dehydrated which is making my head hurt really bad. Seems like I can’t drink enough water to make it go away. I’ve also been having some tummy issues. Maybe some street food I ate. So be praying for my health.
IT’S THE WORLD RACE!!!!
