Have you ever had a point in your life that you just feel like running away and hiding? If you have, that is exactly what I felt the past couple of days.
The past week and the beginning of this week, I just felt this rush of emotions and spiritual warfare.I found myself doubting God’s plan for me and turning away and rejecting His help. I didn’t want to be on the Race anymore and not do DTS as well. I just wanted my bed, my room, my mom, my sister, my dad (Mark), my friends, I wanted my old life back. Seems a little selfish right? Alright it was muy muy muy selfish!!!!! How could I go from being completely set on my life and future God has set for me and then turn completely away and not nothing to do with that? Yeah. It’s crazy! I found myself falling into my old ways( music, people, getting angry quickly).
A couple weeks ago, YWAM had a quest speaker, Naeem Fazal ( who is an ex-muslim). “The more spiritual we get the harder it gets. The hardest struggle of someone who wants to go on missions, is THEIR OWN WILL.”
Without a doubt I have been wanting to do things within MY OWN WILL. I had to ask myself this morning ” Mikkala, are you on this trip because you want to be on it, or are you on it because God has called you to do this, to do His work, to live the life God has for you?”
“Mikkala, your strength is amazing and you have matured significantly, but I don’t need you.” -God
“God, I see the difference but if you don’t need me, then why am I on this trip, why have you told me to do all these things for you to say you don’t need me??” -Mikkala ( I was so angry at this point)
” Because I WANT YOU!!”- God
Did God just tell me He wants me? Yeah He did.
I have been running away from the works of the Lord and letting the situations around me to hinder my growth. But I have declared that I am done running. Luke 8:40-56 Jesus was rushing through a crowd to get to a 12 year girl who was dying, when a women who had been subject to bleeding for twelves years touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately stopped bleeding. Jesus didn’t know who touched him, but he knew his power had gone out. When the women fell at his feet and told him why she touched him, he told her “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”
The women knew all she had to do was touch the corner of Jesus’ cloak, thats how much faith she had him.
The story goes on and someone came and told Jesus and Jairus ( the father of the 12 year old who was dying) that the little girl was dead. Jairus began to weep, and Jesus told him not to be afraid and believe and she will be healed. When Jesus arrived to the house the little girls mother was weeping, and was yelling “She’s dead, She’s dead”. She wouldn’t stop. Jesus told her ” Stop wailing. She’s not dead but asleep.” They laughed at him. He then said ” My child, get up!” Her spirit then returned and she stood up.
The Church of Jesus is not the women with the issue. But her faith was….WOW!!
I want that. I want to stop being the woman without faith.
God has revealed so much to me!!! and its only day 88! I still have 6 months left and then 5 more months of DTS! I know this is God’s calling. He is wanting to show me so much more of Him, that I wouldn’t get at home. So much more of His love.
On that note, FUNDSSSS!!!!! How exciting right?! NOT! No me gusto!!!
I still have $1,300 for the World Race.
For DTS $8000 ( includes: Lecture Phase, Outreach, and traveling and exploring money)
Thanks again for making my Journey with Christ happen and for the future!!!
Also if you could lift up my squad in y’alls prayers as we prepare to jump on the airplane Saturday to go to our next destination, SOUTH AFRICA!!!!!!
