If you know me at all, you read that title and said “really? JUST your knife?” Well, if you must know, I’ve left my wallet, watch, rain jacket, laptop charger, sunglasses, and my knife.
Granted, this isn’t a cumulative list, and only two of those were intended, but the point is why something was left behind deliberately.
As many of you know, my knife is part of who I am. I always carry a knife, and only my favorite knife. As I grew up on the farm, it was used constantly to cut baling twine, feed bags, etc, and when I moved to Texas, it came in handy for minor handy-man issues. It was also peace of mind when wandering through sketchy areas, knowing that I was more deft with my knife than the average mugger and his choice of weapon.
These are all good, legitimate reasons, but over the last few months, as I’ve reevaluated my heart, I’ve seen past my “reasons” for doing things to the true heart behind it.
My knife provided a feeling of competency; it helped me do my job better and more effectively because my self worth was based on how well I did my job.
Many times I’ve had instances where something needed to be fixed and I always whipped out my knife and ran to be Mr. Fixit. Not because it needed to be done or to bless others, but because I wanted to feel valued by my team, and providing a service gave me that feeling of self worth.
There aren’t many sketchy areas in Kenton or in Wylie where protection was actually needed. I carried my knife to feel like a bigger man. To feel like I had the power and control over anything.
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying carrying a knife was bad, but my heart behind it definitely was.
I am a man because God says I am; I am worthy because of what Jesus did; and no piece of metal, job, situation, or opinion of others should affect that in any way.
We were encouraged to leave behind mementos in each country as a symbol of something spiritual we were leaving behind. With a bold and courageous heart, I walked up to my good friend in Planeta Rica, handed him my knife, and left behind my insecurities and my need to be affirmed by anything other than Jesus Christ.
We were also encouraged to take something from each country to symbolize something new that we are learning to walk in.
That night, Paris walked into my room and said “you know Mike, this entire race I have had two knives in my bag- the one I use, and another totally random one, and until now I never knew why I had it. Now I know. Please take my knife.”
This knife represents something new. This knife represents fearlessness, for that is who I am.
I am fearless.
